How to parent a teen. . .

Last night Rob and his girlfriend cooked up a plan to go to the Big City late next month.  It would not be just the two of them. They envision 4 other friends joining them on this venture.  While he was on the phone with her, Rob asked me if a specific date was free and told me why.  I said I would mark it on the calendar, not because I was saying yes, but so that nothing else would get put there till we decided.

I told him I would need a lot of details before I would feel comfortable saying yes.  So far I have learned a proposed destination (a popular historical area of the Big City) and that they would train in.  My wife and I are a bit of polar opposites in this situation. She feels we should say no unless an adult is going along.  I am more on the fence about it--partly as Rob has done a train into the Big City with me so often.  He is very savvy about train schedules and how to use public transportation.  He is very aware of how to be safe crossing busy streets.  K's position is that he is only 16 and that this should not happen.  She first went into the Big City on her own at 18 and therefore that is when he should.

I am far less sure that the date we did something is relevant to a decision for our kids today.  (in a reverse analogy, I could legally drink at 18 but I am not going to give my son a beer on his 18th birthday.  Likewise I was in my 30's when I got my first home computer but my kids have grown up using them.)  I think every request has to be evalualated for the teen asking and the times we live in.  I am concerned because Rob is only 16, but that concern is tempered by the knowledge that they are proposing going in a group and his many experiences in the Big City with me. There is safety in numbers and I know all the kids involved well. They have all gone through coming of age together and are all in our church Youth Group.

I don't think any other kids have been asked yet or any other parents have had to weigh in yet, so we will see how this shakes out!