Suddenly 18

 KC is 18 today!  Obviously this is not 18 pictures, but it is a reasonably good photo glimpse of how somehow that wee tiny baby who honestly only fit in doll clothes, is now this tall handsome young adult!  How this happened I don't know. It feels like not long ago that he was so young, so needing of help.  Our buddy in everything we did. The little guy who needed me to sing him to sleep every night and who put on "shows" after supper for us every single night.

Now he is a thoughtful kind and engaging teen, someone who has found within himself the capacity to lead peers, to teach dance, to work on making a positive impact in the world we live in.  I am so proud of him.  I am also frequently scared for him.

I will be forever grateful to have been chosen to be this young man's mom.  I will always remember leaf piles and puddle jumping, the first terrifying dance recital and the triumphant ones that followed. The hikes and homeschool classes, the silly traditions we have that make up family life. The joy and magic that he has brought to us all. Today we celebrate all that he is in many ways--favorite breakfast rolls made by me, birthday dinner made by big brother Rob, and a viewing of a show at the theater.  Happy Happy Birthday dear son!

KC is 17!

 

So this is KC's second Covid birthday!  Last year when he turned 16 we organized a drive by birthday parade and decorated inside with a Broadway theme.  I had pre-covid promised him a large outdoor friends birthday party and of course that could not happen.  I felt horrible about it all.  16 is such a milestone. And my kids have not typically had a lot of "friends" parties. We usually do family parties and only have big friends ones for milestone events.  

This year we had a local company come early in the morning before the teen was up and they put this banner on our front lawn.  Elisabeth was away this weekend--she had checked with KC before accepting the invitation months ago.  He said he thought she should go as since lockdown she has not had a lot of time out of the house and he felt she really needed it.  

But K and I still felt we had to do everything we could to make his birthday special.  Hence the banner.  He still had a family party and Rob was here, and cooked KC's favorite chicken entree and made a delicous carrot cake for the birthday cake.  There were gifts, phone calls from family who could not be here and lot of laughter.

I also made KC's favorite cinnamon rolls for breakfast yesterday --we have kind of had the whole weekend have lots of little bits of joy for him.  He loves these rolls which I typically only make on Christmas.  And tonight we will have a favorite supper of his, arroz con gandules.

He had time to go to a friends house and watch a movie.  He had time to see a favorite show with me. And he told me how very cool the banner was and that he didn't think anything could top last years birthday, but that somehow we did.  

Seriously, how am I so very blessed to have kids who feel the love and joy of experiences even in these harder times?  Celebrations have always been tremendously important to KC (top pic is when he was 3 and was helping to paint the rainbow mural for his party.)  That my son feels that his day was in no way diminished by the circumstances of covid fills me with such joy.  

The Day of Celebration

The 17th was KC's 16th birthday and he had a wonderful day.  Despite the challenges of Covid-19 we were able to give him an amazing day.  It started with his favorite breakfast--home made cinnamon buns.  KC is the kind of kid who understands that the fact that I took the day off from work so that I could make them for him is a gift in itself. 

At 11:30 the folks I work with paraded by honking horns, with balloons and posters wishing him a happy birthday.  KC does not know all of those people but he was very shocked and touched that they did this for him. 

At around 1, a close family friend drove by, played Happy Birthday on their car stereo and had a birthday poster for him signed by all the family members. 

At 2, a caravan of more than 11 cars drove by honking and waving.  More posters, more joy.  Many of the cars held friends from dance and youth group.  A number were adults that care deeply about him.  People from church, and his godparents.  Some of these people drove more than 30 minutes to get to our house so that they could do this for him.  That measure of love and caring was not lost on him.

Later that evening we had our family party.  The dining room was decorated with a broadway theme.  Home made decorations that he loved, his favorite meal, and a delicious home made cake. He got some great gifts--money from K and I, his aunt and grandfather and grandmother and from Chet. These funds are to purchase a fancy light and fan combo that he wants for his bedroom.  Rob gave him running shoes and a record player and his first vinyl.  It was definately a day filled with love.  In his thank you note he wrote to us that he had thought it was going to be a depressing day but it was so much more than he could have imagined.

He too, is so much more than any of us could have imagined.  He is such a gift.

The Post I've needed to write

One thing about life in the time of Covid-19 is that I have a lot more time to write.  That is a good thing I guess as it gives me time to examine my thoughts more fully and well, people can read or not.  The scroll on by feature of the internet saves anyone who finds this dull!

About 4 months ago I got a call from Fiona's DMH worker.  Because Fiona's case was finally being transferred to our area where she has lived for many years now, this somehow also triggered re-doing her guardianship.  I remain confused by that as the guardianship paperwork all said it was permanent and we always treated it as such, but I also felt it was not fair to argue.  The reason was the worker had asked Fiona if she wanted me to continue being her guardian or not.  Fiona said she would rather that her cousin N become her guardian.

Back story is that in the perfect storm of relationships, Fi had earlier in that week asked me for money she did not have to buy a brand new iphone.  I had explained she could save for it and I would help her work out a plan but that we could not just go buy a phone.  She had then asked if I could give her money for her birthday and Christmas early so that she could go buy the phone. I had explained that we celebrate on the day and not before and that even if I did that she would still be short of funds significantly.  She had hung up in a huff.  Conversations like that are not uncommon as she has a hard time grasping costs and savings.  Usually this results in another call a couple days later when she is calmer and we are able to work out a plan.  Except that this time before that happened, the DMH worker talked to Fi.

I have nothing against Fiona's cousin. She is a lovely person and in the past 5 years has become consistantly present for Fiona in ways that her other first family appear not to be.  She is the person who helped me loc Lissa's hair and is a person I like and respect greatly.  I did not feel that I could in all honesty fight against her for guardianship.She is competant and would have Fiona's best interests at heart. It also goes against everything I beleive in to try and shut out first family members by fighting this.   I explained this to the DMH worker who initially asked if I would consider co-guardianship.  I said I would not, because I know that there was a strong risk of two problems developing. The first would be Fiona's natural desire to play us off against each other.  You know how kids don't like parent A's answer so they go to Parent B?  I can so see this happening and neither N or I live closely or can communicate easily and quickly enough to prevent confusion from arising.  Secondly, I just deep down believe in the rights of first families.  And I believe that Fiona has a right to choose.  I told the worker that regardless of my legal standing, Fiona was my daughter in my heart and I would still be in relationship with her and did not see that changing. Worker said she did not expect my response and was grateful.  I guess lots of people fight in these situations. I wrote a long text to N explaining my response to the DMH worker and we had a good conversation regarding things.

What I did not count on was Fiona. I knew she would be afraid to tell me, so I called her.  I explained in detail to Fi that I had been informed of her wishes and that I respected them. I said I would still always view her as my daughter. That I had before I became her guardian and I still would feel that way afterwards.  I said I would always love her and always be there for her the way I am for all my kids.  It was a decent conversation but what I did not grasp was that deep down Fiona  still has trouble believing that people love her.  She has been rejected a lot in her life because her choices and behaviors make being in relationship with her hard sometimes. 

As the paperwork and legal wheels ground forward on the guardianship change she became increasingly distant. I had a hard time connecting with her. She cancelled visits, she called infrequently. She sometimes did not return my calls or texts.  When the guardianship change was finalized she ceased communication all together. 

I kept trying to reach out to her.  I sent bitmoji pictures (which she loves) I left messages at the group home. I tried everything I could think of.  Then I sent a final text saying I did not want to make her feel pressured and that she needed to know that I was always here when she wanted to talk. That she would always be my daughter and part of the family.

A bunch of weeks went by with no contact.  I felt so down about this that I could not even write about it. I tried many times, thinking it would be cathartic.  But it just made me feel like I was writing a post that should be titled Parenting Fail-Loser Alert.  I don't want our relationship to be a failure. Fi's been my daughter of my heart since she was 9 and she is now 27  That is a lot of years of love, and laughter, tears and worry.

Yesterday afternoon, she called. She said she was sorry.  That she loved me. That she wanted a relationship with me, and with the kids. It was a good conversation. She seemed able to hear me saying that I loved her and that I wanted to always be there for her. She wanted to talk to KC and wish him happy birthday. I hope it was the beginning of finding the road that walks her back to us.  I hope that she will feel that it is safe to love and hear me when I say that I am not leaving her.

Nearly 16!

In April, KC turns 16.  He is such a busy guy, embracing life fully and chasing his dreams.  In addition to homeschooling, he works part time at  a local market and at the dance school.  He volunteers in one of the classrooms at church fairly regularly and attends youth group weekly.  And he dances.  4 nights a week, and more as the march towards recital begins.  He has a leading role as The Beast in Beauty and the Beast and is extremely excited.

Since December I have been asking him how he sees himself celebrating 16  It's a milestone birthday and I would expect that he might want a bit more than a family birthday party.  He said he had been making a list of people he wanted to invite. He was up to 43 people.  Note to self:  Produce list of friends the next time someone makes that "socialization" comment about homeschoolers!  I said we could do that if we rent a hall (or the function room at church) and bring music and food.

So that was an option.  But I think he became a little concerned that he wasn't quite ready to host that much on his own.  (obviously we would be there but there is more involvement in making sure one's guests are having fun.)

I checked in again in January.  He had a couple of experience oriented venues that appealed to him but were far beyond our price point for the number of people he wanted to invite.  Today he came to me and said if he trimmed the list to 25 people could he do a dinner at a restaurant.  That feels "grown up" to him and he feels all his friends (who are diverse and who don't all know each other) would get along and enjoy a meal together.


So that is the plan---now to get him to pin down a date.  This requires checking rehearsal schedules with his dance school!

Happy Birthday Elisabeth!

 Tomorrow, I will have a newly minted teenager!  How is it possible that this sweet baby (who will of course always be my baby) is now entering their teen years.   Years of challenge and changes, tears and laughter, discovery of self and others.

I am one who often looks back over pictures.  They bring a smile (and sometimes a tear) to me.  I remember in that first picture how very little Elisabeth was. She is holding "Doll Doll" a stuffed sheep given to her when she came home by our friends who lived next door.  Doll Doll (though mightily worn through many years of loving) still sleeps in Elisabeth's bed each night.

 I remember when coordinating Easter outfits was a fun family thing.  Now, as older kids, they need to express their own sense of style and this is definately not an option any longer!

I remember when a trip for ice cream at a particular place was a refuge on a hot summer night.  Elisabeth is a huge fan of soft serve and they used to have 24 varieties of soft serve!  Sadly they are no longer in business but that smile and that cone bring them to mind.

My fearless child!  Elisabeth has always been the one to push her own limits and to test mine.  This picture is not the same year as the ice cream one--she loved that swim suit so much we had it in two sizes and they wore it for 4 years.  Younger than KC by 2 1/2 years I remember how she rocked this indoor water park challenge, even though   big brother was very timid about trying to navigate it.

 I have loved watching Elisabeth blossom as a dancer.  This picture was the first year she showed me she could do all her own make up without my assistance!  Only two years ago, yet the first of many things that will no longer need a mom's touch.

And Elisabeth just a week ago, as we prepared to hang a new ornament on our family Christmas tree.  In May they opted to cut their hair--something I had not done since birth--and at present the preferred hair style is just short curls.  This may also be part of Elisabeth's personal self discovery.  I have also been told that the preferred pronouns are they/their.  I am trying very hard to honor that. 

I believe so strongly that it is necessary to support our kids on their journeys, whatever that looks like.  But can I share that it is just hard  not to use her/she?  They feels plural and weird language to me. Can I share that I miss her long long locks (which by the time she cut them were about 4 inches longer than in the picture above)  But I keep reminding myself. This is their journey and life. I am just the one lucky enough to be along to watch the journey unfold.  Happy Birthday beloved Elisabeth!

KC is 15 Late Post

So my tech skills are still weak.  It is my youngest man-ling's 15th birthday today.  I can't quite wrap my head around this.  That middle pic?  Pretend it is the first one in the series.  That was probably when he was about 5 months old.  He was a preemie and so so tiny.  In that picture the newborn clothes were still big on him, but at least we had made it out of the doll clothes section!  I remember how utterly petrified we were bringing him home.  This young, precious life was entrusted to us and we.were.not.ready.  No one ever is.  I think you can read 50 billion books, take classes, read blogs, and baby sit your heart out, but it is not the same.  KC was not our first child, but he was our first infant and as such there were many firsts with parenting him that we had not experienced with the other kids.  Thank the goddess that he was an easy and forgiving baby!

The picture on the far right is of KC after dance recital last year.  Ever since he was 2 he has wanted to dance.  He would flit around the house waving my wives sparkly fabric bits and create shows in our front hall where he did his version of tap dancing.  It took till he was 4 to find a studio that was boy friendly and a non competition studio, but once we did, he has never left it.  He has added to his dance classes year by year, increasing in knowledge and ability. 

The first picture in the series.  That is KC today.  A strong 15 year old with goals, dreams and the drive to succeed.  He works part time at a local market. He helps teach at the dance school.  He volunteers in a classroom at church and helps at the library.  He is funny, loves word play, graceful, emotional and we are so very very blessed that he is our son.

I wanted this birthday to be special for him and in true J-E Team fashion it was special in ways we did NOT expect.  I had purchased tickets to Tap Dogs. They are a cool dance troupe he wanted to see.  They had medical issues and the night before our performance they cancelled.  Our tickets were refunded but they are not touring in our area the rest of the year.  KC took it with better grace than I did.  We've been sitting on these tix for about 2 1/2 months!  I was bursting with excitement for him.  He reminded me that such things happen with live performances, which is very mature and very true.

Then KC got sick.  Very sick.  Wound up on an antibiotic and missed a whole week of work and basically had the most low key birthday one could imagine.  He even had us cut the birthday pie he had requested without him blowing out the candles because he was coughing so much he was afraid of contaminating the rest of the family.

But for all that there were still presents and laughter, and even a birthday that went so far south from what was planned will be part of the memory montage for a son we love so dearly.

Happy Almost Birthday Elisabeth!

She is sassy and stylish, funny, with a quick wit and cutting sarcasm.  Fiercely loyal and yet not afraid to be herself and to stand by what she believes in. . . she is my youngest.  And in a matter of days she turns 12.  This past weekend we had her friend birthday party--a sleepover event with 5 of her friends. 

Elisabeth has really good friends.  The kind that I hope will all still be friends years from now.  The interesting thing is that they are from all walks of life.  Because we homeschool she has friends from the neighborhood, from Girl Scouts, from her time in basketball   and from her dance classes.  Yet they all mesh together well and they are really kind to each other.  They know her well, as evidenced by the shirt she was gifted with! 

As I watched them this weekend I was struck by how grown up she looks and acts.  Wasn't it just yesterday she wore a crown and hit her brother with her birthday wand?  LOL

Next year it will be her turn to go through our church's Coming of Age program, as if this mama didn't need more proof her babies are growing up fast!  But I am happy for  her and excited to see what the future holds for her.  Her actual birthday is this Sunday and she wants to spend Sunday afternoon helping to distribute gifts to foster kids.  She is deeply moved by the fact that she knows foster kids often lose treasured items because they leave their family home so quickly and/or move so often.  She knows that some of her siblings have been through foster care and she has chosen to help work with a friend's new nonprofit which will help 400 foster kids in our city have great Christmasses. I might mourn the loss of my "baby" but I sure love the heart and passion that she has for the world.

Sunday we will bring cupcakes to church and Monday we have her family party and she will at long last get her own phone. 

Happy Birthday Rob June 2nd

Rob turned 22 yesterday.  It is hard to wrap my mind around that. The mom in me remembers the dinosaur themed birthday.  The year we had the bowling party with his friends.  The skateboard party and on and on. . But years have rolled by with increasing speed and he is a man now. And a good man.  No one is perfect and he certainly isn't but at the core, he is a just so good.  He is loving and caring.  Never will he be one for lots of words, but he is there showing his caring by the way he acts.  He's the kind of guy who gets his girl flowers just because.  Or who choses to make supper on a night he knows I have had a tough day.  Or who buys his brother and sister cool kicks because mean mom caps out the shoe budget at what I believe is a reasonable figure for growing feet! He is beloved by his siblings and we were all together to celebrate his day.  We had a lunch out at a restaurant of his choice and the meal was filled with lots of laughter and smiles and silliness.  (That is KC cracking up in one of the pictues and Fiona and Chet are laughing in a couple others.)  Lissa considers herself far too cool to giggle with abandon if there is a camera around!  It was special to be able to celebrate with Fiona here.

She and Lissa had a manicure first and Fi got her ears pierced after that.  So the lady folks were  all stylin by the time it came to lunch out to celebrate their brother.  After lunch we went home and had cake and gifts which left him a large part of the late afternoon and the evening to go and hang out with his friends.  Late that night he and his friends returned to our house for a campfire in the back yard.

The years have also woven birth and adoptive families together.  I always tag his first mother in the photos as well as the other first family members that I know.  I am friends (both IRL and via the internet with many of he and Fiona's first family but not all.) Those that I know continue the tagging of photos spreading news out to those in other states who want to know this child we share has grown, has thrived and is ready and eager to embrace all the world offers.

I feel lucky every time that we can celebrate with Rob.  I know that there are probably a finite number of such celebrations left to us.  He is fledging slowly but surely and is increasingly less consistantly available.  He has a wide circle of friends. He is a hard worker and I know in my heart that there will (and indeed, should) come a time when he will decide to take an apartment with a friend.  Someday birthday congratulations will be by computer and telephone so every moment we are able to celebrate together is precious to us all.  Happy birthday son.  Remember always that you are a most precious gift to your family and the world.

Another trip around the sun for KC

This guy is 14 tomorrow!  The celebrating began this weekend with a trip north where we celebrated with my mom and her companion.  I feel so lucky that not only were they part of the festivities, but that this is what KC requested we do.  His connection to family is real and deeply felt.  It was a really fun visit and he was, as you can see, very happy.

There are odd little family traditions with a trip to see Nana.  There is my wife rolling down the windows and greeting the Saco River as we drive over it.  No matter the weather, no matter what.  Every.single.time.  The kids and I laugh about it if we go up alone as this is not something that any of the rest of us do.

There is KC's love of a specific brand of orange juice that can't be found down here.  He has to buy three bottles of it every time we visit.  And my wife loves a specific 1 1/2 per cent milk that she only finds in Maine.  We all have to eat Amato's pizza because it is the best pizza ever and isn't found here in Mass.  None of the above are the reason for a visit, yet they are woven into the weft of the fabric of our journeys there; part of the memories that my kids will take forward into the world as adults.  It is the littlest of things we often remember most clearly.

KC is an amazing young man.  He is artistic and creative with a strong sense of what is fair and just.    I love that he is open and able to talk with me about the things in his heart, whether it is chatter about dance, his friends, or deeper issues of concerns about racism or questions about adoption. 

Over the past year he has matured so much.  Physically he is much more a young man--taller now than anyone else in our family, and getting his first razor just a month or so back!  He is also just a very gentle guy; so kind with younger kids.

He has volunteered this year with our library for the boys bookc lub.  He creates a game each month for the boys to play based on the book.  He puts a lot of time and thought into this. And although time management is NOT one of his great gifts (which means a lot of 11th hour scrambles to complete his vision) he still manages to come up with some great ideas.  He has made bingos and jeopardy games, a board game and this month a riff on the game of Headb*ndz.  He sets the room up for the meeting and puts the room away afterwards as well.  The boys really look up to him.  He is a "cool" looking young guy and yet stays approachable as well.

Tomorrow we have a small celebratory family supper planned and later at the end of the month a group of his friends have planned a rather extensive celebration for him.  A movie outing, a sleep over and allegedly an epic lip synch and dance off battle.  One of his friends is making a cake, we are providing snacks and other foods but mostly it is being done by friends for him.  At first I was a bit put off by this.  After all, I LOVE to plan a party. I would totally be down with doing this.

Then I stopped and told myself to shut up.  How wonderful is it that he has such a group of friends?  That is such a good friend that they want to do this for him?  How amazing is that? He is, as are all my kids, that which I am most grateful for always.  A greater gift I can not imagine

A special gift

My wife's birthday is in early February; KC's is in April.  Last week he came in to my work room staring at his phone.  "I'm so upset," he said.  "I just can't believe it."

I asked what was up and he said that Travis Wall and his dance company Shaping Sound were coming to a city near us for one performance only on January 29th.  Travis Wall is an amazing dancer and choreographer.  Our whole family is pretty well enarmored of his work and the amazing ways he thinks of helping to tell a story through dance.

I looked on line and knew that there was no way I could buy tickets for all of us.  The money tree in the back yard is dead, people!  (laughing)  It has been a hard winter financially, capping off a hard YEAR financially. Hey 2018 has to be better right? Please goddess? Anyway, I called my wife and suggested that I pay for she and KC to go together as birthday presents to them both. (the other part of KC's gift is a dinner out with 4 friends)  She was thrilled and they are both looking forward to this so much.

I am glad that I could gift them both with this.  For KC it isn't just about the dance which is his deep and abiding passion, but it is so important for him to see successful male dancers in the styles that he enjoys dancing in.  He adores contemporary and jazz and I know he will see a performance that will inspire him.  If you are curious, here is a Youtube link to a performance from the show.  You know I"ll be youtubing all I can to get a bit of its flavor here at home.  Shaping Sound  And while dance is not everyone's cup of tea--art in some form is so important for our kids; for all of us.  We need ways to express that which is deep within us and sometimes there is no way to release those emotions without dance, or song or another form of art.  I hope we all have ways to shape our sounds, and tell our truths.

Mom's Birthday

Today is my mom's birthday.  So we packed up the clan--all the kids, plus Lissa's dog Luna, and headed to Maine to celebrate with her.  My mom was turning 84 and while in most respects I view that as 84 years young--I have noticed changes in her this year.  Mobility is more of an issue than it ever was.  "The Arthur" as she puts it has impeded her ability to enjoy things that even a year ago, came more easily to her. She tires more easily as well. Though like me, she was blessed with a very high energy level most of her life, she now finds the need to nap, and pace herself more and this is a tough pill for her to swallow. There may be many birthdays left.  There may not be.   So for these reasons I felt, I think, a bit of urgency in making sure we were there on her day to celebrate with her.  Last year we were away camping and though we sent gifts and visited a week later, I know for her it was not the same.

Our original plan was to celebrate with a picnic at Portland Head Light but the weather was not picnic friendly.  So we opted instead for delicious Amato's Pizza.  Best pizza in the world if you ask me!  Absolutely adore it.  So we bought lunch and brought up a variety of unique prezzies.  I made her favorite cake which is a "daffodil cake."  Truly this cake is not for the faint of heart to make.  But it came out really well and she was thrilled.  This has always been her favorite of all cakes and she remembers my grandmother eeking out all the eggs this beast cake takes even when times were very hard and money and eggs were scarce.  In our more profligate world, I made not just the daffodil cake but a regular vanilla cake as well.  My kids hate daffodil cake so we had two choices for the festivities!

Going up there was absolutely no traffic.  But coming home?  The fates were not so kind.  Our usual 2 1/2 hour ride took over 4 due to heavy traffic and the weather.  But smiles, laughter and memories were worth every second of it.

Another Teen Ager

The day after Easter was KC's birthday.  My once tiny preemie guy is now a teen that is nearly taller than I. With his own quirky sense of humor and artistic style, he is taking on the world.  So much has changed for him.  Part of that is his participation in our church Coming of Age program.  Through out the year he and the other participants have delved deeply into themselves, exploring their beliefs, what they see themselves doing in the world, how they share themselves with the larger world and what they keep within.  His mentor has been amazing and I know the friendship that was all ready there was strengthened during this time.

KC has come into his own in many areas this year. At the  dance studio he got bumped up to a more advanced class. Far from being intimidated by the fact that he is one of the youngest dancers in the group (most being in high school) he worked hard and has found his niche.  It certainly helps that this is a really nice group of kids who seem to really empower each other.  It also helps that he loves dance passionately and works hard at it.  Still, he rose to the challenge and did not even consider stepping away from it.

He has aged out of the boys book club at the library but has begun doing extra volunteering there. Part of that time is helping the librarian with the book club. She has tasked him with thinking up some new games to go with the books that they read and he has been thinking about this ever since they spoke.  Book bingo and pictionary, figuring out if he could make Wheel of Fortune. . . It appeals to his natural creativity and allows him to have a role in something that has been a fixture in his life for about 3 years.

Monday we drove to Maine to see my mom and her companion G.  We celebrated KC's birthday with them and it was so much fun.  My mom is starting to feel her age these days.  There is not anything hugely wrong but she moves more slowly and has more aches and pains.  It is enough discomfort that the idea of attending both Rob's graduation and the kids recital was too much for her to contemplate physically.  It is hard for me to grasp her aging, very much so for KC.  I write to my mom twice a day by email and he always asks how Nana is.

But aches and pains did NOT stop the celebrating. There was food and cake and laughter. Gifts and joking and lots of love.  I am grateful that we had this day as we all know nothing is promised and that time together is for treasuring.

Happy Birthday Kirsty!

A few weeks ago, I took one of those silly Facebook quizzes about "which season are you?"  Anyone who knows me well, knows that winter is my least favorite season of the year.  I find enjoyable things about winter--mostly because I have kids, and I think that me moaning about being constantly cold could get really old quickly.

But spring and summer are my favorites.  I love fall too but it presages the dreaded winter so I am always enjoying cider and foliage and hearing in my head "yeah, just WAIT!"    However, Facebook, the "accurate" news source of our time decreed that I love winter best.  When I was speaking of this with my wife, she said "but you celebrate everything.  All.the.time."  When viewed that way, I can see why FB got it wrong.  There are a lot of festive things in the cold months and I do celebrate with an excess of abandon.

Take yesterday for instance.  My wife's birthday is actually today.  But had the weather not gifted us with a blizzard, none of us would be home today. She had several client jobs scheduled, I would have work, Rob would have school and KC had 3 dance classes tonight.  So planning ahead we decided that we would celebrate the last day of her 57th year and hold the party on Wednesday.  Wednesday is our least busy night of the week and we could safely guarantee that all would be home.  I was even able to put in for a vacation day so that I could help the littler kids get the party ready.

And party we did.  We decided on an emoji theme.  A visit to the dollar store got the supplies we needed to make the emoji face party favors and the cardboard for the placemats.  We took emoji faces that were sort of tailored to each of our personalities and mounted them on small yellow plates. I taped those to the rulers.  There are 2 faces to each favor, so you can spin it according to your feeling at the moment.  The rulers came in 3 packs for a $1.00 so this was literally a very low cost, fun to make party favor. If I was doing this as a party for kids, I would have the components to create an emoji face but they'd have to choose the sections and glue them on.  But I was doing this, "adult style!" We made the placemats with graphics I got on the computer and printed off.  After trimming the cardboard for the placemats we had nice sections left and we used those to make signs for the dining room walls.  For instance giant LOL, I heart Mom, etc.

We had my wife's favorite meal--Chinese take out from her favorite restaurant.  Then we gifted and ate cake.  There was much laughter and fun.  It was a wonderful party and a wonderful night. (insert happy emoji face here!)

December is celebration time

It is the holiday season.  Lights and decorations festoon the house.  A tree is a glow in the living room, overburdened as usual with a plethora of ornaments.  Many made by the kids over the years, treasured by us sentimental parents.  I remember my first "grown up" trees when I moved out on my own.  They were artfully decorated. Every bulb matched or coordinated.  The garland was placed just so.  Nowadays?  I look for the home made "elf" ornaments we did of each kid one year.  I look for the ornaments that our kids have made for us. The ones with a photo of us at a favorite place on summer vacation.  The first ornament my wife and I bought together. etc etc.  It is, as my KC wisely says, about the memories.  I can save the color coordinated tree for a fond memory in the past, or perhaps a hopefully long distant future when the last of my kids have set sail fully on their own life paths.

We are at that cross roads where schedules and interests are changing up what the holidays have been for us.  There are traditions that are still fairly sacrosanct.  The great house decorating day.  Cookie baking. Music. Travelling around looking at lights.  But some things, are changing.  There is less reading aloud of holiday stories. There was no mural this year.  The kids have more get togethers with friends these days. There were several nights of making some really cool gifts.

I try not to over program but admit to failing pretty epically at that this year. With Chet, when he was our only, it was pretty easy to avoid that trap. And honestly in his case it was imperative that I do so.  He can not handle too much hype.  As an adult, he knows he doesn't WANT the hype and just opts out.  But the youngers?  Well, it is fun and they are young for a second, or so it seems.

So we have had a lot of extra activities and there will be more this weekend.   More gifts made for friends. A free movie showing at a local juice bar with friends. Last night Lissa went to a gingerbread man decorating event while I was at the dance school with KC. (Thank goodness for a wide and caring group of friends who helped with transporting Lissa to the event as I have yet to master cloning myself)

Today I worked only a 1/2 day because most of the family will see the new Star Wars movie at 12:30 and I was on call to pick up Rob from the train.  And today, Lissa is 10.  Double digits for my youngest!  She woke up early this morning at 6:10, sooooo excited to finally be 10.  No more babies in my house!  She is such a sweet, yet sassy little minx.  With a wit beyond her years, she can hold her own with the older kids.  Yet the tender side of her is evident when she is working with the animals, most especially with her puppy Luna. She is smart and analytical in her thinking and an excellent problem solver.  She is a good friend and I am lucky to be her Ooma.

I still remember the December she came home--it was a December we were not sure we would be able to get back to MA in time for Christmas because of the interstate compact taking forever. Paperwork around the holiday time can get a little wonky!  But we did get home and I remember vividly her in her baby carrier by the tree on Christmas morning.  KC was barely 3 and lisped "Merry Christmas sissy".    I remember wondering what her personality would be like.  I remember feeling I was woefully underqualified to parent a girl, having had 3 boys--Fiona though my daughter has not lived in our home full time.  I worried that I wouldn't figure out the girly stuff.

Little did I know that I would not have to figure it out.  Lissa has a style sense that is all her own and she is independent in her thinking. Honestly it wouldn't matter if I WAS a stylish person because she wants to figure things out on her own.  Sometimes the strength of her will exhausts me, but at the end of the day, I am abudantly grateful for it.  The world can be a hard place and she will need that strength in the years to come. She will need to know that she is good, and smart and capable.  That she has the right to dream and the power to make dreams into realities.  Happy Birthday Lissa!  I love you so much.

Happy Birthday KC

A dozen smiles, a kabillion memories. . . our artistic, funny,sensitive and amazing KC is 12 today.  There is a mural, I'll try to remember to post a picture.  He wanted a star wars theme and has been painting with various family members for the better part of several weeks.  Rob made his cake which is in the shape of BB8 and is amazing.  Yesterday, he and Lissa spent the day with friends.  The other 1/3 of their KLB club hung out with us all day.  We went to a hands on science fair which had amazing things to do and learn about.  We went to the roller rink and spent 2 1/2 hours skating.  And we wrapped the day up at a local school playground.  More friends joined us (Facebook is pretty cool that way--just posting "at such and such a location" made it possible for spontaneous fun with other friends.)  

Today, we have church and then he has invited his girlfriend to come hang out for a couple hours. They want to practice their dances for recital and just chill out together playing Mine Craft.  Then we will have our family birthday party, has Nana will call to wish him a happy birthday and hopefully the reality that he is 12 will sink in for me!  It does not seem possible that the tiny, helpless little guy has grown, has thrived, and has become this amazing young man on the brink of teen years.  

This is not to say life is drama free.  His emotions are very close to the surface which is a good thing/bad thing.  And the surges of hormones definately make that roller coaster more intense.  But this morning when I hugged him he hugged me back hard.  Then he found me later for another hug and said I have to sneak 10 more hugs to him through out the day so that by days end he has 12.  They can't be all at once and they have to surprise him.  That is so sweet, it is so KC.  And I'll enjoy stealth hugs!

Mardi Gras Birthday Fun

 Today was my wife's birthday.  She had asked to have a Mardi Gras themed party.  Because, well today is Shrove Tuesday and it just seemed to fit.  So last weekend the kids and I went to the Dollar Store and scored a plethora of Mardi Gras themed things.  Poor K, her birthday also always has a bunch of Valentine decor around as well because I am far too lazy  busy to take all the hearts off the chandelier for one night!  But we found feathered masks. And boas in many colors.  Beads galore for wearing and for decorating with.  And everything was only a dollar each.  It was a total blast!

 Masks festooned our main wall and I had a tri colored swag of boas underneath.  On the table there were sweet little faux lavender plants by each place.  I took one of  our vases, wrapped it in yet another dollar storeboan and put in pretty artificial flowers. (also from the same store)

The bright green plates and yellow napkins were funky and fit.  There were gold star plates for the cake--cake that was really my son Rob's fabulous cheese cake.  I need to walk about a zillion steps on my fit bit tonite!

Rob was able to get the early train home so he was here for the party.  A huge gift in and of itself.  We pooled our funds and gave my wife spending money for the trip she is taking in May to go and visit her dear friend in Louisville.  She treasures that time and I know that will be something she will really have fun with.

My poor wife has been very ill the past week or so and now Lissa has it.  A cold/chesty/ and sinus thing that is lingering on and on.  Yet despite all that the house was filled with laughter and joy tonight, and memories to treasure.

Lissa at nearly 9

 Lissa turns 9 in a few days.  The 16th, to be exact.  I look back and she has grown so much in the past year and accomplished so much.  I am so proud of her.  She fascinates me, challenges me, and being her parent constantly makes me look for ways to meet her where she is.  And Lissa is always in a different place from any of my other kids!

She is fiercely independent, impetuous, tempestuous, intensely loyal, brave, silly and enchanting.  She is a vibrant package of contradictions that somehow blend into the amazing person she is.  The top picture was taken during our holiday decorating, in late November.  The middle two were taken today.

For all of Lissa's life and most of KC's Ben lived next door to us.  The kids grew up together and Ben spent a LOT of time with us at our house.  The kids formed a club that they call KLB (from the initials of their names) KLB grew with them and became a really organized little affair. They developed a comic book making side of KLB. They rotated being "captains" of the club.  They made the TShirts that you see them wearing in the pictures.  They pretty much created official KLB club everything.

Then, this summer Ben moved.  He is still in town and they still see each other often, but they don't see each other daily, the way they used to.  It has been hard on all the kids,even though my kids understand that in most every way possible this is a good move for Ben and his family.

When I asked Lissa what kind of party she wanted she immediately asked for a KLB party.  So Ben came to our house about noon today and is spending the night and will go home tomorrow about noon.

They have had a blast. They played outside.They made an indoor fort and played there. They did crafts. They decorated gingerbread houses and played games.  Lissa chose Chinese food for supper and they stuffed themselves on the really super delish food that the little place down on the corner churns out.  Then, I suggested that we go to a local botanical garden that has an amazing light display.  Only about half an hour away, it was a great way to spend time outdoors on an amazingly balmy night.

We all had a blast. The lights were amazing. And what kid doesn't like being up late in the dark?  All of mine love it at any rate. When we got home, we actually had Lissa's cake and ice cream.  The cake was at her request, a KLB themed cake in the official KLB colors of red, blue and green.It is the only cake I have ever seen that did not say Happy Birthday and instead had a wobbly KLB written on the top by the birthday girl herself.  It was perfect.

The bottom picture is of Lissa fooling around with friends at the recent Girl Scout holiday parade.  One of the things I admire about my youngest daughter is her determination.  She gave Scouts a try a year ago and it was a meh kind of experience for her.  But she did not give up, in large part because if the program was only adequate, the friendships were strong and compelling enough to keep her involved.

Lissa is virtually unstoppable when she sets her mind to something.  This will be a huge asset to her in later life.  She wanted to learn to swim this year and gave up one dance class to accomplish the goal. At the end of the 12 week session she could swim the length of the pool, do a very adequate kneeling dive, do back stroke and float.  Next, she would like to try basketball, so I am presently looking into that for her.  I love that she samples, experiments and tries things out.  She isn't sure where her niche is but she enjoys the journey.

Happy Birthday my princess!

Chet turns 30!

Today is Chet's birthday and my perpetual teen turns (gasp) 30.  Yes, the big 3-0!  It is hard to wrap the mind around, in part because he is always so young in his behaviors.  And I have come to a place where I am really okay with that.  The luck of having a large family has been that there have been for many years youngers coming along who reach that place where Chet is comfortable emotionally.  It is a place typically inhabited by pre-teen or early teen boys who enjoy fart jokes and belching and the game Magic.

Rob has sort of passed through that stage and moved on towards young adulthood.  But KC and Lissa are filling the void.  They have learned Magic this summer and enjoy playing it with their big brother. Chet for his part, enjoys the chance to impart something he knows to them.  Albeit somewhat pedantically, but they are used to that as well!

What will happen for him when these two grow past where he is comfortable being I am unsure.  I may have to put an ad out for pre teen boys who want to gather at my house for fart jokes, pizza and games of Magic!

But for today, we celebrated all that is Chet!  He got his favorite supper of arroz con gandules, home made cake and of course gifts.  He asked for rubber bands, a note book and pens, and a couple of movies. He got those and warm fleece pants for winter and hair dye so his mohawk can again be the pink of his shirt in the picture above.

My wife had to leave for work so we did the party backwards with cake and gifts first and then the meal.  This was perfect for her schedule but also consummately suited Chet!

Happy Birthday Son!

My Young Man

June 2nd Rob turned 19.  I am still amazed by this.  He is a smart, funny, caring and clever young man.  He is light years away from the frightened 5 year old who became my son so many years ago.  All my kids are different and unique individuals.  Rob is the quietest, but there has developed an ease and comfort to our relationship over the years.  I think he just is always going to be the person who shows how he feels instead of talking about it.  For instance he doesn't write me mushy notes like some of the kids, but he is the guy who will make sure that my favorite kind of smoothie is waiting in the fridge.

He bridges young adulthood and being a beloved big brother and son with an ease and grace I didn't have at that age.  He takes time with the youngers who think he could walk on water if he tried.  With me, he is respectful and usually very helpful. He is gentle and patient with the limitations that Fiona has, watching twen shows without complaint that he would never EVER choose on his own.

This Sunday was the first week he has not gone to church with us as an adult, and he was working.  I am proud of that,not because I am profoundly religious in the Christian sense, but because it shows it is a place where he feels welcome, where he has maintained connections, even when he out grew the Religious Ed program.  I think that navigating the mysteries of becoming an adult is easier when there are a variety of trusted adults in your corner and he has that in spades at UUCW.

Rob has a summer job this year and has been a hard worker, accepting extra hours when they were offered to him. He is a hard worker and enjoys it and has not argued about putting 1/2 of each pay check in the bank for school.

He has accomplished his first year of college and is excited that this year he will actually get some time in the kitchen and it won't just be text book classes.

In many ways, Rob is my first child to really grow up.  Chet is forever a child in a mans body.  Able to navigate the neurotypical world well some days and not at all in others, perpetually enjoying experiences more frequently associated with a much younger teen.

Fiona too is in a similar situation. So for me,watching Rob begin to step beyond us, to find his own path is exciting, though bittersweet.   But above all, I am proud of him and so very blessed that he is our son.