Adoption Insensitivity

Yesterday I got whacked not once but twice with insensitivity to adoption.  I was so angry and so hurt,but  I was also glad that my kids were not present and that I could make my feelings on the situations known. 

In the first instance I was at a staff meeting at work concerning our new  health benefits.  A coworker next to me was instructed to write her other family members and their relationships to her on the back page of the health form.  My boss, with whom I have worked for more than 30 years and who knows that every single one of my children is adopted, said a crass comment to her about her kids being adopted.  They aren't.  It was supposed to be funny but it came out like adopted kids are second class citizens because of how it was worded.  I spoke up somewhat harshly and I know that my boss still does not understand why I do not see the humor in that.  If one is supposed to write "spouse or dependent" one is not designating HOW someone became your child. I know he will never address what he said with me and that if I try and inform him rationally about this he will just go postal so other than my comments at the meeting nothing further will be said. 

Then our minister ,who is away on sabbatical, sent an email to all families.  He is a wonderful wonderful man and a fantastic preacher.  But he is finding out fascinating facts about his geneology and family history and guess what he was suggesting to the children in the church school?  Yup, the dreaded geneology exploration.  I wrote back and explained that this was a lovely letter and I was glad he was enjoying sabbatical but I respectfully would not be sharing this with any of my children.  That only one of my children really COULD honestly research geneology and at this point it would be extremely painful to him.  People on his family tree did not do the illustrious things that my minister is finding out about his ancestors.  I explained why this is a tough thing for adoptive families and that I thought he would want to know as there are many adoptive families in our faith community.  To his immense credit he was very kind and understanding. But geez, two in one day?  What did I do to tick off the fates?