I think I wrote earlier about KC's desire to find his first mom. I have tried to find her myself with pathetically poor results. Clearly I was not cut out to be a P.I. :-) It does not help that I am looking for someone with a name as common as Jane Smith. I thought I was really smart looking for the name of her duaghter who would be 10 but came up dry on that as well. Then I worried too that somehow someone would misinterpret me looking up a minor and I scared myself off that track.
His desire to find Yvonne and know how she is is very deep and palpable. He worries that she might die before we find her. While she is younger than I, knowing that she struggled with substance issues means that is not totally as unlikely as it might otherwise be.
Since I have proven to myself that I can't figure this out by noodling around on the computer I googled a website of a company that says it specializes in adoptee searching. I have sent an inquiry to them and am awaiting information on how they do this and what the cost factor is.
My wife and I are a bit divided on this subject. I feel that I have a responsibility to do everything I can to answer his questions and facilitate this if it seems to be a safe and appropriate possibility. I don't really have a reason to believe that it would not be. Although Yvonne had substance issues, she was by and large a very careful expectant mother and she had dreams for herself and her life post pregnancy. It is my deepest hope that she has been able to do something about those dreams. My wife is desperately afraid that something far less positive has happened and advocates not proceeding forward at all. I feel this breaks faith with our son and will not walk that road. If the news that is found--if news is found at all--is not good, then I will reach out to professionals on how to best handle it and how much to share with KC. But to be less than proactive and honest, I can not justify. I only hope I am right.