Monday, January 14, 2013

Much ado about . . .

It is interesting to me the reactions that people have to KC's  desire to find his first mom and my commitment to helping him.  My mother is horrified. She loves her grandson deeply.  I can tell she feels betrayed.  My wife is petrified.It was actually suggested to me that I lie to him and say that Yvonne died.  Seriously?  So how do I explain THAT to him when he gets to be older and finds her on the Internet or something?  One friend said something like "well I hope she isn't an addict." Others have said that they understand why I am "letting him" do this.

No, probably they don't, but they are trying to understand. (smile)

So I thought I would write a bit about that reason.  One of the things about adoption is that many prospective  parents do lots of reading, learning and soul searching on that journey.  We have to prove we are eligible to be a parent and most of the ones I know realize that it entails an added layer to the more typical parenting gig.  I went into this knowing that any one of my children could want to search and that all would have questions at some point in their life.

Did I expect this to arise at age 8?  Well, not really.  However, KC is both my deepest thinker and my most "magical" thinker so in some ways, I probably should have seen that he would.  Also, his big brother Rob has bio connections and he sees how Rob and Fiona have family resemblances. He deeply craves looking like someone.

I think being an adoptive parent means honoring the fact that none of my kids lives started the day they met me.  Our story, as a family started then, their life story did not.  It is my responsibility and my privilege to embrace all of who they are, which means helping with a search for biological relatives when and if they want to.  So I am not lying when I say that I really hope Yvonne gets in touch when she gets my letter.  She deserves to know our amazing little boy.  And he deserves to know as much of her as she is willing to share.

1 comment:

Azmomo2andcounting said...

"Our story, as a family started then, their life story did not."

This is a great quote and mantra... thank you for sharing your story.