Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Fiona's Case is moving!

In a bit of absolutely positively WONDERFUL news, Fi's case is approved to be moved to our area.  This is huge as her needs are complex and frankly expensive and it was unclear if the move to our area would be a go.  I feel strongly that to be her guardian and be truly present in her life requires a geographical closeness as well. She needs to pop over for supper some night, or to watch a movie etc and not have it be a big production on how to get her here etc.  This also likely means that the guardianship is pretty much a shoo-in.

Fiona is excited . I am excited. The kids are excited.  When KC heard he was planning all the ways she could be with us for various family things. I think it will also help to give Fiona a sense of security as I know that is how I feel about things.

I have been so lucky with the Great School. One of the reasons they are great is because they recognize, affirm and support us as a family unit. Not as "the adoptive parents of Fiona's biological brother." The places that placed that tagline on us did not see the bigger picture. That we are there for Fiona even when Rob has other things on his mind.  I don't just drop him off for a sibling visit.  We are family in the real nitty gritty, sometimes great, sometimes painful way that families are.

There were also placements where my contact with Fiona was limited because my status was murky and so ill defined.  Calling me the former adoptive parent isn't all that positive sounding.  The reality of our situation is much more complex than that.  How do you explain to professionals who don't know you that  you were not giving up? That you were making sure she had services your insurance could never provide and that the other children stayed safe and fairly untraumatized?

The change in the oversight location and the change in my status to legal guardian wipe away the questions of others while still ensuring that she has the mental health supports that she will likely always need. She will be here Sunday for the BBQ  I am making her favorite mac n cheese to have at the buffet just because I know it is her favorite and I want there to be that comfort of a favorite food on a day when she will be meeting new people.  I know, someone is going to write about how we should not comfort ourselves with food, but the reality is, sometimes, we all need to.  I also think it is important because our BBQs typically have a variety of family favorite foods.  K's side of the family would never get together without having potato salad for instance.  I adore salsa and chips.  It is a visual way of belonging and blending and affirming her place in the family.

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