I think I should not read facebook first thing in the morning when I have a migraine. I am overly sensitive and it is not smart. I read my sister's status cherrily announcing how she has three main support systems in her life and how grateful she is for them. Her husband, her father and her god. I was a little bit stunned that I was not part of the support system as I have always thought I was a supportive big sis, but okay.
It was more the second support that kicked me in the solar plexus. My father. The guy who has not seen or spoken to me in more than 25 years. Who flies my sister out to visit him annually, and who visits her when he comes to the east coast. The man who has only met one of my five children. He knows my number. He knows my address. He chose to move across country without saying goodbye to me, though he went to visit my sister.
He is the only person in my life who ever managed to make me feel inadequate and unworthy. I thought I was past feeling that way--and most days I really, really am past that. Just not today. OK, pity party over now, I promise!