Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Feeling sorry for myself

I think I should not read facebook first thing in the morning when I have a migraine.  I am overly sensitive and it is not smart.  I read my sister's status cherrily announcing  how she has three main support systems in her life and how grateful she is for them.  Her husband, her father and her god.  I was a little bit stunned that I was not part of the support system as I have always thought I was a supportive big sis, but okay.

It was more the second support that kicked me in the solar plexus.  My father.  The guy who has not seen or spoken to me in more than 25 years.  Who flies my sister out to visit him annually, and who visits her when he comes to the east coast.  The man who has only met one of my five children.  He knows my number. He knows my address.  He chose to move across country without saying goodbye to me, though he went to visit my sister.

He is the only person in my life who ever managed to make me feel inadequate and unworthy.  I thought I was past feeling that way--and most days I really, really am past that.  Just not today.  OK, pity party over now, I promise!

3 comments:

Zach said...

Ugh! I don't know you, but I read your blog regularly and am so impressed by your awesome parenting.
I have one kiddo who is almost 2 and I am wowed by how you manage your whole family's schedules and how much everyone supports each other. Professionally I work with kids like Fiona, and having family involvement is both so rare (sad) and so important.
I don't understand why your father has acted as terribly toward you as he has, but it makes me angry that his cruelty hurts you when I think you are so great and do so many good things. I also pity him because he is missing out on so much by not being a part of your and your kids' lives.

bkwildandwonderful said...

I'm with Zach. Your father is the one who is missing out on so much. You are always working on making connections. Some people just don't operate the same way. I just hope your father doesn't realize too late the importance of your relationship.

Lee said...

Thank you guys! :-) Pity party is over, I promise. Your kind commemts really helped on a bad day.