The end of last week I got a story in the mail that Fiona had written and illustrated. Well, I imagine she either dictated it to a staff member or teacher or perhaps they have the new voice activated computer software. I know she can not write or keyboard a coherant sentence. (she wrote a few months ago so I have a recent comparison) It is a sweet story and beautifully illustrated. I will treasure it. The boys all looked at it. Then when I got to work today I had a new email from her clinician. She said that Fiona had many opportunities in her new setting but that she was also seeing behavioral indicators that showed her clearly why Fiona could not live within the intimacy of a family. Reassuring and painful at the same time to read that.
She wanted to know how to refer to us when she talked with Fiona. Visiting resource or community support sounded cold to her. You think?? The child that is my son's sister, that lived in my home, and remains in my heart? So I wrote back that I thought the best word was family and that if this was too painful for Fiona we would go with whatever her suggestion is. But that I would love to have us all work to helping Fiona feel okay about being at Great New School. And that I would love to have a goal be for her to feel that family were people who loved you and stuck with you even if you couldn't live together.
(trust me when I sayI worded it better in her email!)
The clinician also said that she senses that Fiona feels ashamed about the adoption disruption. I asked her if she would be working on that. There is no way that child should be carrying a burden of guilt or shame about that. That blame sadly falls squarely on the shoulders of the professionals who hid the depth of her challenges from us. It falls on the shoulders of her foster mom who was asked not to tell us the truth, and didn't. It falls on us for thinking that because we had parented one difficult child we were able to handle another, not realizing that there was so so much more to Fiona's situation. But none of it should fall on a child who faced what she has faced in her life and the fact that she feels shame over something that happened 8 years ago kills me.
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Your tenacity in keeping up with Fiona really impresses me. How fortunate for her that she HAS someone committed to her as family. And I'm so glad this place sounds like a good place for her, and one that will nurture her relationship with you and your family. Good news is SO GOOD!
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