Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mothers Day 2011

Today we gave K a really  nice mothers day.  The kids woke at 5:30 because they were so eager to fete her on her day.  I managed to hold them at bay for an hour but then we got up and got together her vanilla scones, tea, flowers, cards and gifts. It looks very much like a royal procession going into her room, with KC first carrying flowers, Rob following next with the decorated tray filled with goodies, Lissa following Rob with gifts and Chet bringing up the rear with the cards.  Unfortunately for K, our back yard neighbors had a gathering last night so she only had gotten to sleep about 2:30 a.m.  Ah well!  LOL  She did love everything and then we left her in peace while I fed the tribe and got them ready for church.  And incidently, if you want to make vanilla scones  you really should use the recipe on the PW Cooks blog/website.  They are really good and K says that they are better than the ones you get at Starbucks. 

At church one of our members stood up at joys and sorrows and said that she was an adoptive mom and that her children's mothers hadn't planned on what had happened and her kids had not planned on what had happened and that we should remember adopted kids "without moms."  OK so I am sitting there with my adopted kids and this is not a hallmark moment.  I get what she was saying and I know she was very much coming from a place of pain as I could hear the tears in her voice.  I think her Mothers Day was not filled with cards and flowers.  And I do think of my children's first mothers on this day.  Truthfully not just on this day, but often.  But her wording was so unfortunate.  Adoptive children, at least my adopted children, do not live with their first mothers--or natural mothers--or birth mothers whatever terminology fits best.  For my kids we have used first mother and birth mother depending on what they wanted.  But they also really see us as their mothers too and I read a lot of confusion in Rob's eyes at her statement. None of them at this point in their lives at least, sees themselves as motherless and while I have walked (and will walk again) the paths of the pain of loss with 3 of my 5 kids all ready, this was just harder than other situations we have encountered thus far.  Sigh.

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