Rob's nearly 15!

June 2nd, my Robbie is 15.  Hard to wrap my mind around that. Most of my pics of him when he was really little--KC's age or younger are pre digital camera. And we don't have a scanner.  But in my mind he is this little guy with huge eyes and a big smile.  A smile that didn't reach his eyes which were guarded and wary, waiting for us to prove that he wasn't safe here either.  That we could not be trusted. 

The top picture in this post was taken when he was about 8 or 9.  He had by now relaxed more, and discovered that he loved hiking and time spent at our local Audubon sanctuary.  I love this shot because it was one of the first where he really looked relaxed.  He was always able to have a great smile for hte camera but sometimes I felt it was just show.  In this shot I knew he was happy and relaxed and the whole posture showed it. 

The second picture is last years birthday.  The signs of teenager were there.  But like many teens he waffles between cool and little kid.  Yesterday when we went clothes shopping for Lissa he found a Phineas and Ferb T shirt that he just had to have.  And ten minutes later a very stylish fedora.  Go figure.  I am just glad that he is comfortable enough in his own skin to develop his own sense of style and to enjoy the process.

The last picture, which the colors are all wonky on and I have no reason why, is from his trip to NY this April.  It is important to me because he was voluntarily sharing his music with others, something that was a huge milestone for him.

My little boy is a man-ling now.  With strong broad shoulders and shaving on the horizon very shortly. His deepening voice is rivalled only by his deepening awareness of the world around him.  The effects of trauma are still with us, but less frequently.  I notice them in crisis situations, when he is startled, when plans need to change.  But mostly, I see a growing assurance, a quiet confidence that lifts my spirit.