Amazing Day!

Fiona came out today for a family visit.  It was such a great day!   We had lunch together with amazing Jane, all seated around our big dining room table.  There was laughter and conversation and Fiona's favorite foods.  Jane had intended to leave after about 30 minutes or so hanging at the house with us. After lunch the kids and I headed to a discount shoe store that I used to bring Fiona to when she lived nearer to us.  Fi and I both share a passion for shoes!  Jane went to a local book store and did something to pass the time.  Fi had fun trying on shoes and we found a really cute pair of boots and a pair of  white wedge sandals.  They both look great on her and her school is having a fashion s how in a week so one or the other will wind up "rocking the runway" in whatever outfit she is designing.

Then it was back to the house for a bit where we re-connected with Jane. Jane had brought her dog who is very beloved by Fiona. He is a therapy dog, a smallish fellow with a much larger personality than he has body.  Jane was afraid he might not get along with our dog and was keeping him in the car but we tried letting the pooches meet in the yard and they became best buds. Truthfully Blake is such an easy going guy that I am sure he doesn't know how to behave threateningly to another dog.  They ran big circles around the yard--well in the mud that should be a back yard but is really mostly mud.  Then we tried to bring Blake in the house and Jane's dog went inside instead.  Eventually it all got sorted out and we all took off to visit the school Fiona lived at for more than 2 years. 

It is only about 10 minutes from our house and is a large rambling campus in a rural area.  At the time, I thought it very much the best fit for our daughter and our family.  In some ways, it was.  It was close by which made keeping family connections strong and vibrant was easy. There were monthly events to attend, and visiting every week was a cinch. But in the clarity of hindsight, some things were really not a good fit.  The school was less qualified to deal in a constructive manner with the mental illness and cognitive challenges that Fiona has.  They rocked it out in some ways but were really not equipped to handle someone who truly could not ever hope to learn close to grade level.

I had really forgotten how to get to the school.  I explained to Jnae that I think I blocked it out because it hurt so much when she was moved from there.  I knew beyond all shadow of a doubt that she would decompensate, and was told in the team meeting that my concerns did not matter. It was about dollars and cents and I was there only because I was her biobrothers adoptive parent. I had no legal say in anything they chose to do.  I remember going out to dinner that last time, and driving her back to the school afterwards, knowing that i did not know when we would see each other again.  I remember crying so hard on the way back from the drop off that i had to pull over, and then trying to get things together because KC was in a car seat in the back seat. (Rob had gone home with Kirsty; good byes were too painful for him then.)

So as much as touring the campus again was therepeutic for my daughter, it was for me too. We laughed and shared stories of those days with Jane, and with the littles.  There is a giant spreading oak tree there and I have a picture of Fiona pushing KC in a stroller there. We took another picture there today, Fi looking so much happier and healthier and the babe in the stroller a loving younger brother cuddling close to his sister in the sharp wind.

Rob and Fiona went down slides on the playground together and we saw the 2 buildings where she lived during those years, the school buildings, the horse barns.  We talked about fire works and BBQ's summer festivals and school events, graduations and playing games.  The good memories of those days will be now more fully present for me and that is a gift.  I hope the same is true for Fiona.