The logistics of family connections

I heard back from Dee the other night.  He still lives in the Big City.  He wasn't particularly clear what the living arrangement is.  I don't know if he lives with family, is in foster care, or a therapeutic setting.  I said I would try and come up with a place 1/2 way between both of us where we could get together.  I am horridly directionally impaired however so I am asking friends and co-workers for suggestions of places I could offer to him.  I told Dee he was always welcome to come here, but that I thought it might be a long drive and wanted to try and make things as easy as possible.  When I was telling K about this, she was faintly horrified.

What do I really know about Dee and why he has had so many placements?
What do I really know about what kind of person he is?
What made me feel comfortable opening our home?

Oh geez.  I pointed out that Dee has all ready visited our home.  He didn't do or say anything inappropriate.  He was polite, friendly and very caring toward his brother and the other kids.  I guess I don't really believe that he is secretly an axe murderer who is going to show up on our door step some night.  I don't think he is a drug king pin and going to show up here and demand our valuables.

I do realize I could be very wrong.  But I really believe that unless people prove themselves otherwise, I assume the best. Truthfully, I don't think Dee is coming here to visit any time soon.  I think the transportation logistics alone will prevent it. But her reaction pulled me up short.  I am not slamming my wife, but I think these are some of the things that people who adopt hide behind to avoid putting themselves out there and being in relationship with first family members.  And I don't know how other adoptive families look at these relationships, but for me, what I strive for is for there to be bonds between me and the cousins, the siblings the aunts.  It isn't just connecting my son and walking away.  I need to know them too, because they are part of who my son is.  And we all love him.  And that frankly is enough for me to care about them. 

Except in Dee's case there are a ton more reasons why I care too.  I care because I see a system that failed him.  I see a young man with talent and drive and caring and compassion.  And if he did show up and knock at the door, I'd open it with a smile.