Fiona post visit

Jane called tonight as Fiona opted out of her phone call.  I am noticing (bit slow on the uptake but I did notice!) that this seems to be a pattern after we visit.  I wonder if it is so painful saying goodbye that she can't face talking on the phone right afterwards?  Jane said she did pretty well after we left.  She had a therapy session scheduled and spent the first part of it doing lots of loud, chaotic drumming in the expressive arts studio, but was able to gradually move from that to playing the marimbas and then to playing the maraccas with the therapist.  She didn't try to harm herself or others, she didn't destroy property, so it was all good to both Jane and I.

Jane is frustrated that Cousin N has floated out of the picture again with no explanation or contact. She is not returning calls and no one knows if something horrible is going on in her life.  Fiona is always impacted negatively by this, and it is so hard to decide if the positives of first family contact outweigh the fall out when this seems to inevitably happen.  I realize that I am a bit over the top about consistancy but I know too that my daughter needs constant proof that we are not going anywhere.

Jane seems to feel that it is reasonable for us to work toward unsupervised visits which is HUGE to me.  I explained to Jane that I have felt terrified of angering a social worker and losing the contact we did have.  Jane said I was not to worry and that she felt that the powers that be would be more than supportive.  I explained that when Fiona was moved far from us and I was begging for her to be closer for visiting to continue that I was told by the social worker then that this was a dollars and cents move and I had no legal rights and had to basically put up and shut up.  Jane did not know that part of the story, it was years before Fi wound up at the Great School in the City. 

But hopefully after the holidays (which historically are trauma trigger days for Fiona) we can get some concrete plans to work on this.  And now. . . back to the regularly scheduled Thanksgiving preparations.