Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tuesday night call

Last night when Fiona called she sounded very nervous.  She always starts by talking to me.  She said she had something important that she had to ask me and that she hoped I would say yes. Eventually in a big rush out came the words: "would you want to ever come visit me and would you do it."  It was like a little flood of words. If you were listening to the plea, there were not spaces between them.  Jane has not told Fiona about the visit that is planned. I suspect that this is so that Fi can do things like learn to voice her desires by expressing them to us.  I assured her that we did want to see her and we would plan a visit and I could actually hear the exhalation of relief.  How inexpressiblly sad to me that life has so conditioned her to believe that the response will be 'no.'  But after I assured her of that she didn't want to talk to me any more.  She asked me to put KC on, which sort of threw me as I try to always have Rob speak first.  But she and KC love to talk about art and she had just bought new art supplies yesterday and wanted to share that with him.  I am glad that they have that connection.  She and Rob share a birth connection but haven't a lot of common interests.  I suspect that if  Fiona wanted to talk about the Patriots signing Lee Bodden or releasing Jarvis Green they would do fine.  LOL

Much like Thorn at "Mother Issues" a lot of my relationship with Fiona has just been about constancy.  I am not legally her parent but I am consistantly present in whatever way distance and the state allow at any given time.  And I think that she is slowly seeing that families are made in many different ways, and that people who love you don't have to be related by blood.


Mama Drama Times Two said...

I think that just "being present" can speak more to our kids than anything else...With their history of broken promises, just hanging in there speaks volumes.

Todd said...

You're a good friend to Fiona. Glad that there is a connection between her and KC. That's cool!