Chatting with Fiona

Tuesdays are usually Fiona's night to call and tonight was one such night.  She was a bit late in calling--turned out she had been part of a photo shoot at the Great School in the City and was all excited about that.  She loves to pose and have her picture taken, I'll bet she did a great job.  Jane and I had just exchanged an email yesterday where Jane asked about when we could visit.  I was excited as we had begun talking about a visit  last month but then fiona had become hospitalized.  In all my other experiences in her RTC',s privileges are lost and then have to be slowly and laboriously re-earned. Unfortunately often visits were considered perks to earn.  Happily this appears not to be the case at her School in the Big City.  We haven't chosen a date yet but I expect that in March we should be able to train in and then the school's van will pick us up at the station and bring us to see Fiona. 

The funny part about this is that when it was KC's turn to talk with her he told her about a painting he was making and then said "So, Fiona when are we going to get to see you again?"  The kid is just scary intuitive.  I had not told the kids anything about a visit.  I figured if it was going to be quashed I didn't want to try and explain the why of that.  Rob would get angry, the littles would get confused.  So I was stunned.  And the reality is, that KC has not seen her since he was in a Graco carrier, but chats with her like they are kindred spirits.  It is amazing to listen to.  Jane made sure to comment to me about KC's question too. I could tell it cracked her up as well.

Rob seems to be loosening up a lot over the phone and I am so pleased.  Not so many one word responses--lots of conversation that almost borders on animated.  It is a huge step forward.  Tonight was the best he has ever done and I almost wonder if the fact that they were painting when she called helped. 

I have to write about Fiona here because I know that many of my family, including my own mother, do not understand my love and committment to her.  My mother actually wrote me an email not  long ago saying I spent too much time worrying about her.  Um, I don't really know how to deal with that. What is the alloted amount of time and energy that I should devote to each child? I realize that legally, Fiona is not my child.   I also realize that had Fiona remained in our home that I would never have felt safe adopting any other children. She is too volatile and yes, I realize that means that the great gifts of KC and Elisabeth would not be in my life.  But as much as I love them and i do--with every fiber of my being--I can't say that their little lives are more precious or more special to me than Fiona.  My mom doesn't get that she is still so very much woven into my heart, that I know she can't live with me but that I can love her despite that.  And when you come right down to it, not too many people have spent too much time worrying about Fiona unless they were paid to be doing that. Not to minimize people in those professions, just that it isn't the same as having family that just want you to be and do well.

Because my computer is finally allowing me to print again, I have the picture for the last page of her scrapbook and I will mail that out to her soon.  I actually mailed the scrapbook itself some time ago and then Jane thought of another page she thought we should include so it is really only that page that i am sending. I am rambling so I better stop typing and get to work!