When Mental Illness collides with the law

Fiona called tonight.  She said that she has to go to court tomorrow.  I felt like I was punched in the gut.  Clearly from the tenor of the conversation, Jane thought she had told me of this but nope.  This dates back several months to an assault of a peer.  Jane seems calm about this and a visit is still on for us in early June so I don't think incarceration is imminent.  Fiona told me about the steps that she and staff have worked on to try and make sure that future incidents don't happen.

In one sense, she has made huge huge progress.  She was able to articulate to me tonight how the rage overwhelms her and how then she knows she has lost control and feels badly and this feeds it and she winds up lashing out.  How she is trying to take space when she first feels really angry and not letting it get to that point.

And that is all good.  I suspect things will be okay because the Great School in the City is likely to be able to facilitate this with her first actual brush with the law.  But it scares me.  It is my worst nightmare come true.  I think that the worst thing for me as a parent is knowing that there are kids--and Chet and Fiona both fall into this category, who can so easily do things that are outside the norms of society.  That could land them with consequences that might teach a neurotypical person not to do the same thing again.  But which I strongly doubt can teach either one of them anything.  And which has a far greater liklihood of harming them even more.

I am not saying that it is right to hit.  Clearly it isn't.  But there are kids who are just ill.  Or damaged by the trauma they were subjected to before they were ours.There are kids who have learned in those first formative years that it is better to hit first then get hit later yourself.  Or who have cognitive delays that inhibit their ability to process.  Who become flooded with emotions, raging hormones, whatever.  The Great School in the City has made huge strides with Fiona.  But she has soooooo far to go.  I worry that she won't get to where she needs to be in order to stay safe in the world we live in. 

I worry for Chet whose social ineptness and physicality place him at risk should I not be there to run interference and de-escalate a situation.  Clearly he is better than when he was 15 and hormones raged in addition to his Aspergers.  But there are days when "better" is marginal and I think on the fact that I am 50 and will not be here forever.

Clearly I have no pearls of wisdom here to share.