Despite the bumps in the road, I think that (and i hope I am not jinxing myself) that Fiona is making huge strides sorting out our relationship, and really feeling at a deep level that it is okay for me to be her mom. For many years, I have been mom unless the conversation turned to her first family. Then it was "my real mom" or she would just start referring to J by "mom" and I would suddenly be either by first name or nothing.
I don't for a minute want to imply that I want Fiona to forget her first family, nor do I deny their very important role in her life. (in fact, Jane is having phone conversations with Fiona and Rob's first mom, J so there may be actual contact at some level in the future.
Anyway, I was explaining about the kittens to Fiona. I said that they were so little that they were both blind and deaf and that I didn't know that. I knew about the blind thing, deaf was news to me. LOL Fiona said with considerable assurance that she knew that because they learned it in school. But also, "When I lived with Mama J we had kittens." Throughout the ensuing conversation, J and I were both privileged to be moms in her mind. (though it was an exceptionally tragic story about kittens that she shared--even the most simple of things in her past are so totally intertwined with tragedy)
Also, Fiona processes the call at the end and talks about things that she felt mad, sad, happy, excited etc about. Sometimes she and Jane and I do this together on the phone at the very end. This time she and Jane did it afterwards. One of the things Fiona was worried about was KC's feelings. When we were doing the big trip discussion with her, I explained that KC really felt badly that he had hurt her and that he had thought she was ready to come on the trip, when actually she still has some work to do to make a Disney trip happen. She and KC are really tight but the fact that despite her feelings of disappointment over not going yet, that she could be worried for her little brother is huge to me.