Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Fiona and a day visit

I got a flurry of emails last evening from Jane.  Fiona has had significant behavioral issues over the past 20 days--a total of 10 unsafe incidents.  An overnight seems inadvisable right now, but Jane an I both that when she acts out the most is also when she needs us the most. 

So this Saturday she will be coming out for a brief day visit--11:30 to 3.  I have to leave at 3 to take Rob to his best friends graduation party.  During her most recent unsafe episode Fiona expressed to staff the following which was then shared with me:

* She feels she is at the Great School because we thought she was going to hurt someone in our home.

* She feels that Rob does not want to talk with her on the phone and that he is growing apart from her

Jane forwarded that information to me, along with the information that she has also been reaching out to Mom J--Fiona and Rob's first mom.  Jane said she knows that doing this is always destabalizing but that her hope is that Mom J will be able to express support for Fiona moving closer to us and to Rob.

I am not upset by Fiona's statements.  As I wrote back in my post to Jane, there is truth to both statements. there is also misunderstanding due to her cognitive impairments and/or her trauma history.  In the short term, K and I really are the catalyst that would have started the ball for Fiona being where she is today.  We did think both she and others were unsafe in our home.  There is of course the fact that we were just the recipient of the trauma and emotional baggage from long before us, but I know that Fiona is not able to see that at this point--and maybe not ever. 

With regard to Rob, she is also partially right. Rob definately wants to speak with her each week and also loves her deeply. However he also has many experiences more typical of his teenaged years and I suspect that Fiona sees these things as him "growing away" from her.  And in some respects, he will.  He will grow up and go to college, have a job and hopefully the other aspects of adulthood.  Fiona, like Chet, will not.  She may have some of these aspects but within the frame work of supported living and with much more modified expectations. 

I spent some time with Rob after reading the email talking about what we can do to try and make sure that Fiona feels more secure in her place in the family and our love and commitment to her.  Hopefully Saturday will help as well.

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