Even Glaciers Move

 Parenting Chet as a child was very hard for K.  In some ways, I think his being an adult is also hard for her.  There is a part of her that periodically wants to believe that he is capable and just not trying.  That a certain biological age will translate to a certain level of independance and maturity.  Which it doesn't.

Frankly I stopped worrying about what he "should" learn by x years a loooong time ago.  I also am okay with the fact that certain areas of his life are probably as good as they will get. I don't see that as giving up. I see that as accepting him for the person that he is.  I would not want to spend my whole life with someone trying to "make me better."  And from reading writings of a number of adult autistic people, this is a very real feeling that many  people on the autistic spectrum experience.

However change does come for him and growth, albeit slowly and sometimes it sort of creeps up and I will suddenly notice that a particular situation is much more attainable than it was 5 or 10 years ago.  He has been able to help with fellowship hour at church regularly and done really well. This involves following directions, safe food handling and such.  He plans holiday gifts with tremendous care.  He has a routine that as long as it does not deviate, allows him to remember all the steps to proper hygiene.  He goes up to the corner store and makes purchases with no problem though large store situations, particularly with lots of florescent lights tend to stimulate him and he has a harder time maintaining focus and holding it together (let alone making the purchase.)

One area that is hard for him still is change.  Any change.  So for instance, planning a family road trip where we ate and slept at different places for a number of nights would not be the smartest thing to try.  He would not enjoy the new places, he would be desparately trying to make them his familiar surroundings and when he couldn't, well his behaviors become less appropriate and easy to handle. So I told my wife we have to wait on a family road trip to see scenic  areas and national parks.  We can travel, but we have to have a "home base" that he can set up and return to when he needs to decompress. If we don't road trip the way she dreams till we retire, I am okay with that.  I do believe that some day he will reach a point when he can do this without getting stressed. It's the Pollyanna in me; I can't help myself!