I am incredibly lucky

There are times when my life decisions come back to bite me in the proverbial butt.  I have always wanted my mom to only see the good in my kids.  That is because I know, deeply, know, that my kids need that unconditional nana love.  And my mom is not the kind of nana  to whom I could confide worries or concerns in and have it not color her relationship with the child.  So I don't tell her about the big things.  She knows a bit about Chet but only because I have had to be firm about things he can not do or something like that when we visit. She knows very little of the issues of honesty that we continue to work on with Robbie.  Very little of the challenges in opening up a shell created by years of fear and uncertainty.  She knows very little about Fiona, other than the happy things I share about the Great School in the City and the progress she has made. I don't share much when Fiona has a scary  time like last Tuesday.  Even though she has not yet ever been able to meet her, I hope that someday they will. And I want her to be open to love without judgement.  I know from growing up experiences of my own that is a tough order to ask of my mom.

Apparently I have done my job very well.  Mom called tonight to say that Sis is having tough times.  I actually know most of it as I am on FB with my nieces and I see what they write about, and my sister and I also email.  I probably don't know all the details, but I have a pretty clear idea of what the issues are.  They are big.  They are scary.  And I feel really badly for all involved.

But then my mom says to me "I know your children are adopted, but you have been incredibly lucky. You don't have anywhere near the problems that your sister faces."  Say what?  I couldn't decide if the first phrase of the  first sentence ticked me off more than the end of said sentence.  LOL  My mom has no idea of the things we have gone through as parents and the rocky road that we continue to walk.  I do walk that road with joy though because I believe when you decide to be a parent, it is the greatest and most important job you can do.  And it is a job with no do-overs.  So yes, I am incredibly lucky.  Lucky that I get to do this job, and love these kids and live this life.  But it isn't always easy, Mom!