Cheering for Fiona

Fiona called last night and we had a great conversation. There was planning for our visit which is coming up in early November.  This is the first visit we are all allowed to go off grounds together so I am really hoping the weather cooperates.  She wants to show us the neighborhood which is a good plan for me because I know nothing in and around the Great School in the City.

Progress comes slowly and is usually of the couple steps forward, now a step back variety.   The step back is typically in Fiona bolting from situations that she finds uncomfortable or which are causing her anger.  The huge steps forward are the facts that now she is able to at least have dialogue about them afterwards and she is developing some concept of time.  She honestly has never had time sense.  Showing her a calendar and trying to make count downs to visits etc have never been possible. She just couldn't wrap her mind even around the days of the week. Somehow, the Great School has begun to work with that, or maybe her brain is just ready to absorb it. I have no idea.  But she has a clearer grasp of time flow than I have ever ever seen.

She told me last night that she didn't want to tell me that she had bolted but knew she had to "woman up" and face it. She told me she bolts when she is angry and scared and wants to punch somebody.  She knows she can't punch someone because then she gets restrained so she bolts,  and that when she does it, she hopes she gets hit by a car. (mom's love to hear something like that, right? I was working hard on not gasping) But that when she calms down she knows that she likes the Great School and Jane and wants to be back there.    Then she worries that I will stop loving her and be angry.

I told her I would never stop loving her and I wasn't angry, but that I was always worried when she did things that could wind up getting her hurt.  She said she knows she doesn't have a brain injury but her brain just doesn't work right when she is upset. (I think she is right and this is where the FASD may be the root of our problems) This is another huge step for her though.  In the past it has always only been about blaming the trigger incident or person and there has been no personal responsibility on her part.

At any rate it was a tremendous leap forward for her, both in cognition and in trust.  I am so very proud of her.