When Irish Eyes are Smiling!

Here's a picture of the rainbow that is presently decorating our dining room wall!  You can't see it because the room is so small that it is hard to shoot the wall, but there is a leprecaun at the bottom with a "pot" of gold. It was a lot of fun doing it, easy and relatively low mess.  I sent a copy of the picture of it to Fiona today so that she could see how it came out.

Today I took the boys to a barbershop to get their hair cut.  We usually do this ourselves but that is easier in the summer when it is  warm and they can sit or stand outside.  They came out looking great and very proud of themselves.  It is funny to me how opposite KC and Rob's hair patterns are.  KC has this really high forehead and his hair line starts way far back.  Rob's hair grows low onto his forehead and really needs to be clipped back to open up his handsome face.  Course you can't even mostly see the haircut as these days his fashion statement is wearing those skater caps all the time!

Homeschooling KC

I love homeschooling.  It is a good thing, because the schools in my community are over crowded, over burdened and fundamentally incapable of effectively teaching  children who have different needs.  Different learning styles?  So what, they have to teach to the test and to the myth of "no child left behind." 

But this post was not really intended as a rant.  It was more about how fascinating it is to me to watch how differently kids learn.  Now I think I have mentioned before that in many ways KC is an easy kid to teach.  He taught himself how to write.  He essentially taught himself how to read.  I take credit for reading tons of books to him and playing with squishy letters on the floor when he was a baby. The rest of the credit pretty much goes to him. 

He is great at math, he wants to "get" stuff, so he will make himself practice as a general rule. He loves science and poetry.  And since he reads above grade level, I thought spelling would be a cinch.  Hear that sound of screeching brakes?  That would be the educational train de-railing!  LOL  That's right, my son who can read and comprehend a good  year or two above his school grade is the.worst.speller. on.the.planet. 

The first week we did spelling words we gave him 10 words.  Age appropriate first grader words.  We practiced them with copying, finding them in word searches, filling the correct word into a sentence.  He did all of those things wonderfully.  And wrote 8 of them incorrectly on the first quiz. 

Thankfully the other benefit of homeschooling is that such a situation doesn't carry social stigma.   But Kirsty and I spent plenty of time figuring out how we could teach spelling words differently.  KC is a chatterbox so I decided to have him also spell them orally to me in the mornings, and to say them aloud as he wrote them. This improved things greatly.  Quiz scores became about 80 to 85 per cent accurate.  We have a "train" of the words that he has correctly spelled in railroad cars going around the top of our dining room and there are steadily getting to be more box cars on the train. 

However though this was better than average, and definately better than where we started, we continued to hunt for the holy grail of successful spelling.  Kirsty hit upon it one morning as he was struggling to remember how to spell  "table." T-A-B-L-E she sang as she walked through the dining room.  He sang it back, swaying a little with his body as he did.  Ever since, we sing the words that are hard to him.  He loves music and it resonates for him in a way that nothing else seems to.  I noticed today when he did his quiz that the two words that were hard for him this week he sang softly to himself as he wrote them. The others, he could just say and write.  And his quizzes have all been 100 per cent correct since we did it this way!

The only predictable thing is unpredictability!

Hmmmm.  Work life has been interesting lately.  Also exceedingly stressful.  We are owned by a new company and they operate very differently from our former company.  I don't really have a problem with that and I am totally on board with learning new things and increasing the goodies that can go on my resume.  But the method of imparting data is sketchy and there is a lot of back and forth with people contradicting themselves and countermanding each other.  Add to that a tendency of micromanage and my immediate boss who I have worked for for many years has become so nervous that he is positive I am out to get him.  Truthfully whenever he gets stressed he thinks this.  But it has reached new levels of the absurd.  I am just doing what I am told and have showed him the emails that prove that.  But suffice it to say this is most definately a work for the money situation and not a work to feel good about what you do in life situation.

While I also am a pragmatist and believe that work doesn't necessarily equal fun, it would be nice not to equal misery! LOL  Today I spoke with someone in a similar line of work. He knew we had been bought and has a tangential relationship with the place where I work.  I also interviewed for a position with his organization when KC was an infant.  The only reason I did not take the job at that time was because my former company made a huge effort to keep me, giving me some great perks and a raise.  But it was close. I was really really ready to jump to the other organization till they sweetened the pot. 

G called me today about some business that we share in our work and then said "OK I have a question.  Are you miserable enough yet?"  I asked what he meant and he said that he knew my new bosses were really tough to work with and that the person who took the job I interviewed for 6 yrs ago was leaving.  So would I be interested?  He has not put the ad in the paper yet, but wanted to give me a heads up.

Hmmm.  I am not sure his organization can come close enough to my present salary to make it possible, but it is attractive and interesting.  And flattering, truthfully to be asked.

Tis Shamrock time (nearly!)

OK so maybe I am rushing the St. Patricks Day decorating a wee bit. But I am desparate for a bit of green after the long cold bleak winter.  We are still covered in snowpack, though now it is a mere 18 inches or so.  Down from the 28 or there abouts that we had a few weeks back.  I feel less like I am taking my life in my hands when I approach intersections as bankings have shrunk so you can see oncoming traffic again.

But I was still eager to decorate and on Monday the kids and I got together and put up a bunch of glittery shamrocks and such.  Then I put paper on the wall of our dining room and roughed out a rainbow.  Last night we started working on the rainbow while we waited for Fiona to call.  Instead of painting the bands on the rainbow we took colored paper and cut shapes.  The red band was all hearts, the orange was diamonds.  Those were the only 2 we finished because she called part way through. The good part though was that we were stumped on what shape to use for green (yellow will be stars incidently).  KC was voting for squares.  I am not sure why LOL but squares didn't speak much to anyone else.  However green is KC's most favorite color and he clearly felt that he should be the person choosing the shape.

When I was wrapping up the call with Fiona I told her what we were doing and how we were trying to decide what to do for the green band.  I asked her if she had any ideas. She thought for a minute and said "what about those green things they find in the grass?"  Shamrocks!  Perfect!  Everyone loved the idea and I love the fact that even though she is not physically helping us with the rainbow, she is a part of it.  When it is all done we are going to send her a picture of it to put in her room.

Happy Balance

Sunday was a busy day.  My wife had the day off to do as she wished so she left home mid day and we would not see her till nearly 8 last night.  I am a good planner and typically a day with just the kids and I is no big deal. But Sunday had a bit of a twist to it. 

I had committed to helping with a 9 a.m. multigenerational service.  Then weeks after that commitment, the Religious Ed committee that I co-chair had to change their meeting to that same day.  At 12:15.  As my church is 30  minutes from my home, going home and then coming back would be a waste of gas and not an option.  Also I felt I needed to find something that broke things up for the kids in a way that made the day see fun.

Luckily for me, my kids love Friendlys restaurants for breakfast.  Though we had breakfast at home at 6:30ish, we had "brunch" at 10:30 at the restaurant.  The venue was much closer than my home, it re-fueled the troops and they were so thrilled to be there. They ate like steveadores, even KC who is my picky eater and has been somewhat off his feed ever since he got sick a couple weeks ago.  Rob enjoyed being able to order coffee with his meal.  This is his new "grown up" thing that he does on occasion.  He asked if he could have coffee once in a while.  I'd rather coffee than the energy drinks that have significant health concerns, so I let him have coffee once or twice a month.  It seems to be enough to seal the "coolness" factor for him. It tends to be a lot of creamer and sugar with a little coffee LOL which cracks me up as I drink my coffee black with nothing but caffeine in it.  I have also explained to him how coffee has different brews and different places will make it differently so he will likely develop a favorite place for it.

After the brunch we got back to church close to the second service ending and giving just enough time to clean up the kids and do bathroom breaks before I had to get into the meeting.  The little kids play with Rob and his best friend at church when I am at the meeting. (Rob's friends mom serves on the committee with me) The fellowship room is large and they have ample space to play games there.

I love when finding a balance between needed activities and fun activiites work out well!

Non NT Happiness

My eldest is my most noticably non-neurotypical of my children.  On the autistic spectrum, I have spent his whole life trying to help him "get" social cues, with decidedly mixed results.  Some days I feel like watching his behavior, one would think that he was raised by wolves.  Other days, the kind and generous spirit that is within him glows forth.  Then there are times when you can see the spirit but there is all this murk from his lack of correct responses and interactions that make it hard on all of us.

Tonight I was cleaning up from supper as Chet finished his supper. He offered to "help" clean the fridge by eating the last pudding that i had made.  Not a big deal to me, I tend to make smallish portions of things as my kids are for some reason all about the number of things.  (they would seriously rather have 5 small cookies than 1 or 2 large ones for instance.)  So I agreed to his request even though he had technically all ready had a dessert.

As I cleaned he began to play with his pudding. Yup, that behavior that jumps out at you and screams "this is NOT a 25 year old is it?"  I have learned ignoring Chet just makes him up the ante, so I calmly told him he could eat the pudding or not but he could not play with it.  He made some very silly comment about the why of his choice of playing with it, and frankly I can't remember what that was that he said.  But it was the kind of comment that makes a parent arch their eyebrow and give their kid the look.  The look that NT kids learn early in life means, "I have gone too far.  Whoa, mom is gonna blow! "

Chet has never "gotten" the look, though I confess I still do it.  I just can't stop myself I guess. Or I am a glutton for punishment perhaps.  Till today, when miraculously, he did get it.  He looked up  and sort of grinned and said "it was just a joke. . . but I guess you didn't think so."

Writing this out, I know most people won't get why that was so exciting.  But Chet's biggest impediment in his life is his challenge reading social situations.  We work on it constantly.  So him yanking my chain with the pudding--it was worth it.

Getting testy with the social worker!

D's social worker that is--Rob's bio brother.   I have been trying for about 7 weeks now to get a mailing address for D from her.  It started with wanting to send him a birthday card.  His birthday is in January.  I started a week ahead.  I didn't realize this was like applying for a passport and one should start 8 months ahead! And I figured a birthday card was that kind of innocous thing.  But I got the feeling when he was here visiting and saw Rob's scrapbook that there had not been a lot of parties and such in his life and thought a card would be a good thing., I sort of figured someone would ANSWER my email.  Then I thought, well heck maybe they would answer a phone message.  Or ANOTHER email.  Amazing Jane even wrote two emails to this social worker on my behalf.  She also gave me the social workers supervisors contact info which sort of makes me wonder if she has had a few go rounds with this person. 

But today, work was crazy. I am manning (womanning?) our office alone for a few days and so it is even more crazy than usual. And I am working longer hours which is not delighting my children here at home.  So it made me testy enough to write a really curt, very professional and clinical sounding email to this woman.  Must have scared the be-jesus out of her too becuase in 20 minutes I got an email back from her!!

She said that she would suggest contact to D at their next meeting. I hate being a B&*ch.  It really isn't my nature, but I guess sometimes being nice is not the best course of action.  She also implied that D would not want contact because of his own issues.  I hope that is not the case and that contact with Rob and perhaps friendship with us could be something good in his life. He is always friendly when we manage to connect on FB. It is just that neither of us is on consistantly so contact is sporadic at best.

Language Delays

OK I'll start with the disclaimer.  I am always vigilently looking for things I should address with the kids.  Not because I want something to be wrong--goddess knows I do not. But I also know that I suffered from ostrich syndrome with Chet. Well a bit of sticking my head in the sand and a LOT of not knowing that his behaviors were not typical.  (and all parents of special needs kids have those adult friends who say things like: "Oh ALL kids do that dear. . . why little Joey when HE was 3. .. . )  And I had no other children that i had parented, and hey I wanted with all my heart to believe my child had no issues.  It wasn't my smartest decision.  Though in all reality I don't know that most of my decisions would have been different.

However, that is a long winded way of saying I am making sure I don't walk down that road again. That if my kids need help they get help.  From more than me if needed.  So when Lissa seemed to have language delays she was tested. About 6 weeks ago to be exact.  She was found to be "practically perfect in every way," to quote Mary Poppins.  And a little part of me sighed with relief.  OK maybe a big part.

Except that my 4 year old daughter still said "lell-ow" for yellow.  She said "fourteen" for thirteen.  I thought she was miscounting but she said fourteen twice because that is how she says BOTH numbers.  There are other words that are the same too.  Shirt and skirt remained identical. 

All of which left me with the nagging feeling that this is not necessarily normal and I needed to do something.  However clearly my answer was not going to lay in the medical community. Also my company was just sold, we have new health insurance and are wading through unfamiliar waters there as well. 

I watched Lissa when she said those words incorrectly and I could really clearly see that her mouth position was just way off.  The tongue was in the wrong place.  Her front teeth actually go over her bottom lip and she sort of sucks it in when she says the thirteen/fourteen word. 

So I decided we would just do language OT here at home.  (disclaimer here that this has all been shooting from the hip and has not a shred of basis in any medical study or theory that I personally  know of)  Also it helps to not be afraid to sort of look like an ape as what I did was overly and veeeeery slowly exaggerate the sounds that are incorrect.  And I broke it syllabically.  I spend many moments saying "yellll  yellllll yellll" and initially she was fearful (I strongly suspect she has known something was wrong and didn't know how to fix it)  She would let me do the first part and then add "OH."  Which I let happen for a while and then got her trying to say "yell" as loud as she could.  Hey my daughter is all about loud, might as well use it to my advantage!  It worked!  She mostly says yellow like the rest of the English speaking world now.  And when she messes up it is usually the habit that is a mental default when she is in a hurry.  I'll say "what was that you were saying" and she can back up and self correct.  Huge!  And a huge sigh of relief for me because she can process it, she can learn it and she can do it.  I knew she was comprehending but the other 2 aspects I was not real sure about.

We are working on "thirteen" now (because frankly that number has to be mastered if she is going to progress in counting!)  I think she pretty much knows almost to 20 and this road block is stopping that.  So this weekend we started working on that.  Even Kirsty can't really keep a straight face when she looks at the overly done facial things that I do when we are learning it.  She is the one who said I look fairly simian when I am doing this! But it works so I'll settle for being a happy mama monkey!  But I don't really know how well this getting  help from others goal is working!  LOL

Extinct Dinos

Today our church put on the second production of the play that the kids have been working on for about 6 weeks.  We missed the Saturday p.m. performance because my two youngest are not really feeling well.  They still are not but mid day is more do-able for semi-cranky little ones.  And KC was set to sell tickets and while he did not want to perform he very much wanted to do this task.  So off we went. Lissa was to be a dinosaur with her class but she bailed on her stage debut.  She is not typically shy so I am not sure if it is the not feeling well factor or something else but she had zero interest in getting up there.  So she sat in the audience with KC and Rob and I.  Cuddled in my arms very sweetly, actually.  The family who sat behind us have a little girl they are adopting from foster care who is about 18 months old and also AA.  Lissa and the little girl spent the majority of the play making silly faces at each other. It was really funny to watch.

Thorn spoke a few days back about her little one regressing as she made other developmental strides forward.  I see that often as well. Lissa has made some amazing strides lately in letter recognition and in working to write lettes.  She can write her name, has written "MOM" and with minimal help could write "LOVE" on her valentines.  She is less of a visual learner than KC.  Instead, she responded well to learning to make the letter E by my first having her make a capital L and then modifying the letter from there.

But those leaps I think leave littles feeling like they are needing their familar safety nets back. Suddenly she felt the need to co-sleep again.  She is wanting to be cuddled and carried more than is customary.  And not a bit of that bothers me. It is just an interesting dynamic.  I think it shows really clearly why kids who don't have a nurturing home life can often have developmental delays.   I am glad that my kids are not afraid to reach out for comfort.

I need to write a post on Lissa's speech too, but that is for another day.  Now I need to focus on some piece work and getting ready for Valentines Day and facing the work week. Oy!

Skulduggery Pleasant book review--Guest Post

At my eldest's request, I am giving him blog space to review the latest in the Skulduggery Pleasant book series. I don't give my blog space lightly, but he loved this book as much as Rob.  This is book  4.

" I thought that this book was scarier than the other 3 and about 10 times more awesome than the previous books. Valkyrie was more reckless but extremely loyal to her friends.  Tanith keeps getting hurt, isn't anyone going to give her a break all ready?!?  Skulduggery became more mysterious and more confusing, which is probably what you would expect of a skeleton!  Valkyrie seems to lose more and more of her humanity as time goes on as well. 

This book is rivetting because the excitement is so high that I felt in full blown panic mode, wanting to find out what happens next.  There is another book in the series but it isn't available in this country yet, and I hope it is soon!"

The best laid plans

The long and short of things is that KC is still sick.  Not as horribly sick as he was before the antibiotic. However not really way better. And the antibiotic makes him feel sick to his stomach. So he has to lay down for a bit after he has it. I didn't know this till we were out doing errands this mornign and he nearly became sick at the post office.  Yikes!  Got him home and laying down and in about 30 minutes he was fine again. So we went to the library and to the grocery store. But definately rushed and I put him in the big section of one of our buggies (we use 2) so that he wasn't walking through the store the way he usually does.

This all impacts Lissa the most this weekend. As this is the weekend of her play.  Which she is not going to be in tonight.  I had originally planned to take everyone (Kirsty is at work) but this would mean a lateish night for kids who are sick.  I probably didn't mention it, but Lissa has a touch of this too.  Not as badly as KC but I don't want to over extend her either.  I confess that I don't really do babysitters.  And KC would never sleep if both K and I were out of the house.  So there will be no Lissa the dino tonight.  Which may be a better thing than it sounds as by last week after I had finished constructing the costume she wasn't sure she wanted to be in the play.  LOL  The whims of a 4 year old change by the minute.

Tomorrow the play has a matinee performance so my thought is that she can be in that showing. KC and I are scheduled to sell tickets but if he is not up to it he can stay home with Kirsty and I will take the rest of the gang to church (our church is about a half hour away)  We shall see!

Suddenly Sick

KC is my physically most fragile child.  He has gotten stronger over the years but he is always the one to freak me out.  He goes from being okay to deathly ill in the space of a heartbeat.  That is the thing that freaks me out.  It is like you have no time to assess, react, plan because he is just all of a sudden flat out horridly ill.

He and Lissa have had colds the past few days.  Noses running rivers, some coughing.  No temps.  Lessened appetite but nothing really horrible.  Sleeping pretty well at night, playing and schooling during the day.  I figured it was just a cold.  As much as I fret over my kids I also know that they are going to get sick.  And a certain amount of sickness is needed to actually build a body's immune system. So I don't keep them in a bubble. And I don't medicate at the drop of a hat.

But this afternoon all of a sudden at 2:30 KC started screaming that his ear was killing him.  No warnings.  Just all of a sudden the excruciating pain.  He is not a kid who feigns illness so Kirsty knew it was legit and called the Dr for a script.  She gave him childrens tylenol for the pain and he relaxed some.  It was a bit later that things got weird.  He must have spiked a fever because he stripped off his shirt and went to walk upstairs to put himself to bed (another big sign he was very ill--how many 6 year olds put themselves to bed in the afternoon?) but got all wobbly and woozy and she almost had to carry him upstairs.  She called me at work and I could hear the fear in her voice, could feel the metal taste of fear in my own mouth. Whenever he is sick, I know we both remember that he was preemie.  That he had "breathing incidents" as an infant.  That he almost stopped breathing twice.  She said he was sleeping in his bed and she was checking him.  He didn't feel unusually warm and his sleep seemed normal so she thought it best to let him have the rest.

I got home a bit after 4:30 and he was still sleeping.  He slept through supper and finally woke to have juice and toast and the antibiotic that the Dr prescribed.  He was low key all evening but seemed better.  But tonight, you better believe that little fellow is sleeping next to me--or i won't get any sleep at all!

Happy Birthday Kirsty!

 Happy Birthday to my beloved!  I don't know how she takes such good pictures of herself?  I truly can't master that and the ones I snapped during the party don't reflect the amazing weight loss journey she has undertaken these past 7 months.  So I opted to post the shot she took herself and save the cake cutting one etc for some other thing--like the kids scrapbooks. (they are so incredibly proud of their cake, though they discovered fondant tastes disgusting!) LOL

 The gang chose absolutely the biggest party hats I have ever seen in my life. KC was thrilled that he was able to have a green one.  He looks pretty happy for a guy who has a really yucky cold going.  But he is all about party!

 And this guy is all about party too.  Chet was excited to finally give K her birthday gift. . . that he bought 6 months ago.  Really.

 And Miss Lissa of the sparkly purple hat, got to be one of the gift passers this  year.  A huge deal in our house, the passing of the gifts is a much coveted honor.  You can get a wee glimpse of the table  cloth in this shot too.  It was very cool.  Sort of holographic so that it looked purple in some lights, pink in others and blue in still others.

And Rob!  The batteries were dying at this point, but Rob is my balloon person extraordinaire.  He finished the final decorations to the dining room and everything looked so cheerful and welcoming when I walked through the door bearing supper.

It was a great party and she had a great day.  And she even told me tonight that she was looking forward to Valentines Day.  I almost fell down.  Truly.  My wife has ALWAYS bitched complained that Valentines Day was created by Hallmark.  I have rather loudly differed for many years.  I figure there can never be too many times to take a moment and say that you love someone. And so I just have kept on ignoring her moaning for years.  And little family parties are fun. Glitz and glitter and fun in the midst of winter.  When I asked her about the sea change, she smiled and said that she likes the way we do Valentines Day.  So now I gotta make some Valentines!

Making news

Work is so weird lately.  Both my co-worker and I feel like hamsters on those silly wheels. Running in place and getting nothing done. Things are compounded by the fact that my boss who is in his late 60's or maybe early 70's does not get email.  So when he has to answer emails we have to run in and do it for him on his computer as if he was answering it.  Really.   Even I can do email!  Sheesh.

Then last week there was a story done on our property and the sale and the new company. We were told to speak to the nice reporter lady when she came out and to "smile".  LOL  OK, we did.  My boss spoke and spoke and spoke.  I said like two sentences.  I was quoted in the article.  With the dreaded new title that my company has bestowed upon me. My boss was not.  Some might think this is cool.  It is going to make my boss insane if he finds out.  My co-worker and i hid the Saturday paper so he would not see it.  At least till I figure out how to try and spin this. He is the type who will think I did this on purpose because I want his job.  These days I can barely do my own, he doesn't have to worry about me poaching his! LOL

F is for Fondant

Saturday the kids and I went to get party supplies for K's birthday.  We basically just needed pretty plates and a table cloth, disposable cups and party hats and candles.  I am not sure K feels we need party hats but my kids can not envision a party sans party hats. So we got all that, AND balloons and chinese paper lanterns that were the same shade of pretty blue that we chose for her plates. (the plates have a big hydrangea on them and I am hoping that it will remind K of summer and her truly spectacular hydrangea that bloomed so prolifically)

The funny thing that happened was as we walked up the aisle after choosing candles.  As one, I truly had 3 voices shout:  "Ooma, look, FONDANT!"  Now to back up a bit, my kids love to watch Cake Boss and some other cake challenge show that is on Food Network.  I suspect they know considerably more about cake decorating than I do. 

I looked at the little pre made roses in my hand and at their happy little faces and let them pick out the color fondant they want and some cutters for them and of course, a fondant roller because they assured me everyone needs that. (I drew the line at the fondant smoother! LOL) 

All I can say is thank the goddess they didn't look up one level and see gum paste!  ROFL

Sleep Issues

Lissa has always been a light sleeper.  But lately, she has been sleeping--or NOT sleeping--- more than ever.  She will waken about 3 a.m. and be awake for an hour or more.  Doze off and then waken again at 5.  Some nights she wakes at 2, messes around for an hour and sleeps the rest of the night through.  But she is not particularly quiet when she wakes up.  She is warm and covered.  She is not crying. But she is noisy as all get out.

I have had a really hard time getting to the root of this.  I have gently asked about bad dreams, or feeling sick or having to go to the bathroom.  She is so heavily into magical thinking that the only answer I get is that her stuffed animals are making all the noise, not her.  Or that there was a big noise outside and that woke her.  In some cases this could be true because there has been a lot of late night trucking away of snow due to the size of the drifts.

I have not put beads in her hair lately, thinking that I don't want to do anything that could rattle and waken her from sleep.  Her bedtime routine is always the same.  But the problem persists. And she is loud enough that she wakens KC not just me. So a nasty cycle of 2 cranky kids has evolved over the past several weeks.  Truly, it isn't pretty, people.

Finally last night I suggested that she come into my bed if she wakes up. I just have this niggling feeling that she is afraid about something and isn't verbalizing it.  And oh goddess do I want to have a decent nights sleep! LOL  At any rate, she came in so quietly that I barely heard her. She slept soundly in my bed till 6:15 which for my kids is roughly equivalent to sleeping till noon!  So apparently I am destined to co-sleep forever, but truthfully if I get a full nights sleep I am inclined to think it is worth it!

Social Network Saturday

Boy did I need Satuday this week!  My "new" job is stressful right now.  New is in quotes because technically I have the same job. I work in the same office at the same falling apart desk. But I answer to new people and this changes the landscape of my work greatly.  I am working very hard to show that I am willing to embrace all the new changes that are being thrust at us and am finding myself in the unenviable position of receiving emails that say "I am emailing you because it is clear that you have become the go-to person ."  Why am I the go to person?  Because my boss is very resistant to change.  He thinks if he keeps fighting it that he will win.  I am way less sure that is the way to go particularly in this economic climate. Despite the differences that I have with my boss, we have worked together for many many years.  I hate conducting myself in a way that is absolutely going to result in an unfavorable look for him.  But the alternative is that we both look unwilling to change or incompetant and I can't do that.  Nor would I, honestly. 

So Saturday has been very welcome here!  Despite the cold weather, the snowbanks as high as K2, the freezing drizzle, it has been nice.  We had a dinner of lentil meatloaf, with a rice side dish and corn.  My crazy kids requested that I make lemon jello mousse for dessert so that is what we had.

I watched Social Network with Rob the other night and was struck by how many of the characters's behaviors are so like my eldest son.  The one glaring difference being that the Facebook creator was whiz with computers and Chet destroys them.  LOL  But the difficulty with relationships  the need for accuracy with minutia, the social awkwardness and compelling desire for approval-- even the strange stare, it was eerily my son.  Which doesn't much tie into the front end of my blog post but that kind of randomness has been the way my brain has been lately!

Adoption Insensitivity

Yesterday I got whacked not once but twice with insensitivity to adoption.  I was so angry and so hurt,but  I was also glad that my kids were not present and that I could make my feelings on the situations known. 

In the first instance I was at a staff meeting at work concerning our new  health benefits.  A coworker next to me was instructed to write her other family members and their relationships to her on the back page of the health form.  My boss, with whom I have worked for more than 30 years and who knows that every single one of my children is adopted, said a crass comment to her about her kids being adopted.  They aren't.  It was supposed to be funny but it came out like adopted kids are second class citizens because of how it was worded.  I spoke up somewhat harshly and I know that my boss still does not understand why I do not see the humor in that.  If one is supposed to write "spouse or dependent" one is not designating HOW someone became your child. I know he will never address what he said with me and that if I try and inform him rationally about this he will just go postal so other than my comments at the meeting nothing further will be said. 

Then our minister ,who is away on sabbatical, sent an email to all families.  He is a wonderful wonderful man and a fantastic preacher.  But he is finding out fascinating facts about his geneology and family history and guess what he was suggesting to the children in the church school?  Yup, the dreaded geneology exploration.  I wrote back and explained that this was a lovely letter and I was glad he was enjoying sabbatical but I respectfully would not be sharing this with any of my children.  That only one of my children really COULD honestly research geneology and at this point it would be extremely painful to him.  People on his family tree did not do the illustrious things that my minister is finding out about his ancestors.  I explained why this is a tough thing for adoptive families and that I thought he would want to know as there are many adoptive families in our faith community.  To his immense credit he was very kind and understanding. But geez, two in one day?  What did I do to tick off the fates?