Somehow 2018 has swept nearly to a close.  In many respects it has been a hard year for our family.  We have had a number of expensive dental issues to face, several super expensive house repairs to face, car repairs up the wazoo,expensively ill pets,   and so many other things that if I write them all it looks whiny so I won't.  There have been good times too, but I think I have felt more stressed at times this year than at any other year I can recall.

However, there is still much to be grateful for.  We have each other.  We have a roof over our heads and food on our table. We have jobs--and mine has blossomed with potentiality right at the end of this year which has caused me great excitement and joy.  We have a faith community that embraces our entire family, with all their quirks and uniqueness. we have friends and are deeply rooted in the community we live in.  I have been able to attend yoga semi regularly on Saturday mornings and love it.  I got to go to Zumba very regularly in the summer and adore that.  I have children who are exciting and motivated to try new things--jobs, auditions and friendships.  Being brave enough to step out and risk failure is the greatest  part of living, because without that risk life grows very, very stale.

I know that New Years resolutions are a hot button thing for many of my friends.  I know too that the same is true of self improvement efforts such as exercise.  I have many friends who feel that speaking of such things negates self acceptance or makes those who are not able at this time to make physical changes, feel badly.  So I whisper quietly that one of my goals this year is to incorporate more physical activity into my life.  Not because I hate my body.  I don't.  I genuinely enjoy exercise.  I am weird that way!  It makes me feel good. It reduces my stress.  But incorporating it when the kids have dance and scouts and youth group and all the other things that happen with a growing family is challenging.  To that end I am trying to work out at home, with the idea being I can do a 30 minute work out in between the taxi runs. So dear friends I am not doing this to be a "beautiful person" nor am I doing it because I hate my body.  I am doing it because it makes my spirit happy and that helps me be a better person in my interactions with others.  May we all find something that helps our spirits soar in the year to come and give back to the world we live in in meaningful ways.

Instant Love

Well, Instant Pot that is!  We got an instant pot about 6 months ago.  I am officially in love with it.  For me as a vegetarian I can cook whole grains and beans quickly and easily.  I can saute, slow cook and pressure cook all in the same pot.  Have I ever moaned about how much I hate doing dishes?  The IP means literally one pot to clean up.  My favorite veg things to make are hard boiled eggs, chili, vegetable soup, broccoli soup, refrieds, and black bean soup, risotto, cooked barley in tomato sauce and I am sure I am forgetting a host of others.  This has been a life saver since this year KC and Elisabeth are in different dance groups and much of my time is spent running between home and the studio.

However, the IP has also been helpful for cooking for my wife.  She works a different schedule from our family eating schedule and this has led to really unhealthy eating choices for her. (read fast food on a regular basis or skipping supper and enjoying a really big bowl of ice cream)  I get that when you get home around 7:30 or 8 no one wants to cook.  I suggested that I leave her a plate of whatever supper I had prepared for the family but she steadfastly declined. 

I eventually realized that this was because she no longer ate a vegetarian diet.  While I think that the veg diet would be healthier, that is not my choice.  The dilemma is that after 30 years of not eating meat, I really get grossed out by meat.  I am not being mean, it just literally grosses me out. BUT in the Instant Pot I don't really have to handle it.  I don't even have to look at it for long.  I know, some folks are probably doing that eye roll that happens when omnivores have to put up with vegetarians.  But it seriously is important to me. 

I suggested to her that we get some freezer storage bowls, similar to those used for TV dinners and I would make her some meals to freeze.  Then she pops it in the microwave when she gets home and all is good.  I have found a number of meals that she likes--honey garlic chicken is a favorite, as well as something called mississippi pot roast (which I used chuck roast for)  I did a beef stew that went over well and a hamburger stroganoff. For someone who will not taste test any of the meat dishes I make I consider that I have been uber successful!

I have also taught KC how to cook his penne for pasta in the IP  We have a gas stove and I prefer that the kids don't use the stove top when I am not around. The IP lets him cook his pasta and his taco meat in what seems more safety to me.

Kirsty has long expressed a desire to travel cross country in a tin can on wheels  camper when we retire.  I have not ever really loved that idea, though I do dearly want to see the country. I am jut not a camper kind of gal.  But with a small tent for me to sleep in, a camper for her, and an instant pot to cook with, it could work!

Decorating for January!

in some aspects of my life I crave minimalism, I am all about decorating for holidays.  And I need decorations in January especially because that is when winter gets real up here.  Though we are slowly getting back our daylight, there are lots of cold hard days and nights ahead.  So today, I put away the Santas and the reindeer and brought out my snow man collection.  

They are super cute and live on top of my cabinets in the kitchen all through January.  My collection has grown so much over the years that they also decorate the dining room as well.

They are whimsical and help my spirit to welcome the snow and inclement weather.  My wife says you have the same amount of snow no matter your mind set, so I have endeavored to have a more positive outlook.  It is hard for me as being cold is physically uncomfortable, but hey, snowmen are adorable! Latly I hung up my lucite stars. They catch the light of the chandelier beautifully and remind me to look up in the cold dark nights and find those bright pinpricks of light.

Christmas 2018

It's been a busy few days.  The holidays always are.  Somehow, despite the best of planning, the most earnest decisions to "not get caught up in the hype" we do. There is never enough time, particularly this year.  I have had extra duties at work this year, my wife's business has been busy. The teen is now working two part time jobs and both he and his sister are busy with extra curricular activities as well. 

Yet somehow, it gets done. Cookies and fudge are made.  Cards are sent out, albeit later than I would have liked. The house is decorated and stories of Christmasses past are re-told. New memories are made.  Laughter and music ring through the house. 

Do we get it all done?  Heck no.  This year we were able to find time to take the family drive looking at decorated houses.  We skipped that last year and the kids mentioned that they really missed it.  Back onto the clipboard of fun it went.  But off went touring the city Festival of Trees.  Because, well there are still only 24 hours in a day folks.  Even though I personally think there should be some sort of magic extender of hours around the holiday time.

The house cleaning was of the "lick and a promise" variety up till Christmas Eve Eve when I was finally off of work. Then I tidied and cleaned around the glitter and garland and promised our home that in a bit over a week I'd be cleaning it up for reals! 

But as long as things are sanitary, that is truly good enough right now.  I need time with the kids, with my wife, time to make coquito and deliver to my friends.  Time to wrap and enjoy it and not race against the clock.

Christmas Day Fiona came home for the day and it was wonderful to have her here. It is always a double celebration day as it is also her birthday.  I made a German chocolate cake and we had a festive Christmas dinner with several of her favorite foods.  She loved her gifts, both the Christmas ones and her birthday ones.

Today we went to Maine to do Christmas with my mom.  This too was fun, though I can see that she is beginning to age.  Well, we are all always aging, but to be less robust, less able to do for herself with ease.  It hurts to see that.  We decorated her cane for her while we were there--another aging sign that was not there the last time we were together just a few months earlier. She loved the time with the kids and they with her.  I am grateful for the constant loving presence that she has always had in their lives.


Tomorrow I have another whole day off from work and then back I go on Friday.  But this has been a lovely break and a truly wonderful Yuletide season. 

Of cars and care

I am often mindful of how the universe has plans for us beyond our knowing.  I drove to church today and my newly repaired car began smoking just as I pulled into the church parking lot.  We worship in a city about 30 minutes from where we live so this was a cause for considerable alarm.  I have AAA but a tow would be to a place in the city I am in, not the city I am from and this would be a challenge.  I texted my wife that I might have a problem and asked that she pick KC up from work.  He had a morning shift at the market and I was going to pick him up at 12 on my way home from church.

However, the universe is amazing.  It turned out that one of our parishioners used to own his own auto repair shop.  Although now his focus is on hybrid vehicles and electric cars, he had a lot of knowledge to share, even about old Scion's!  He said he would check it out and low and behold my mechanic forgot to tighten down the oil cap after doing my oil change last week.  He declined my cash and went to an auto parts store  to get me an oil cap, cleaned the top of my engine where oil had probably sprayed out during the drive (hence the smoking I had seen!) 30 minutes later I was safely on the road home.

When  I pulled into the parking lot in my smoking car I was thinking to myself how this was such a problem--I was so far from home and it was another potential bill in a year that has besieged us financially.  Instead, grace smiled on us and we were helped with knowledge and kindness.  I am so lucky and will pay this blessing forward.

Happy Almost Birthday Elisabeth!

She is sassy and stylish, funny, with a quick wit and cutting sarcasm.  Fiercely loyal and yet not afraid to be herself and to stand by what she believes in. . . she is my youngest.  And in a matter of days she turns 12.  This past weekend we had her friend birthday party--a sleepover event with 5 of her friends. 

Elisabeth has really good friends.  The kind that I hope will all still be friends years from now.  The interesting thing is that they are from all walks of life.  Because we homeschool she has friends from the neighborhood, from Girl Scouts, from her time in basketball   and from her dance classes.  Yet they all mesh together well and they are really kind to each other.  They know her well, as evidenced by the shirt she was gifted with! 

As I watched them this weekend I was struck by how grown up she looks and acts.  Wasn't it just yesterday she wore a crown and hit her brother with her birthday wand?  LOL

Next year it will be her turn to go through our church's Coming of Age program, as if this mama didn't need more proof her babies are growing up fast!  But I am happy for  her and excited to see what the future holds for her.  Her actual birthday is this Sunday and she wants to spend Sunday afternoon helping to distribute gifts to foster kids.  She is deeply moved by the fact that she knows foster kids often lose treasured items because they leave their family home so quickly and/or move so often.  She knows that some of her siblings have been through foster care and she has chosen to help work with a friend's new nonprofit which will help 400 foster kids in our city have great Christmasses. I might mourn the loss of my "baby" but I sure love the heart and passion that she has for the world.

Sunday we will bring cupcakes to church and Monday we have her family party and she will at long last get her own phone. 

Stepping forward

This guy here?  The one with the two legs, not the four.  It seems like not long ago that he was so little, so anxious about the wider world.  I remember that despite his love of dance, he would tremble back stage, clutching my hand, nearly breaking the teeny bones in my hand because he squeezed so tightly.  

I've never been one to push my kids. They only squeeze your hands for a moment in time.  And then you turn around and they are a teen.  Going off on mission trips and helping others.  Chatting with friends and planning outings that only occasionally involve me getting him at least part way to the destination. This year he has two part time jobs---one at the dance school and one at the local grocery store.  He's saving up for a cooler phone than what his mom will buy him.   And the little guy who was afraid to go on stage?  That guy decided to try out for one of the acting roles in recital.  This studio does theater as well as dance.  He auditioned and got a part.  He will be the godfather in the dance school version of Shark Tale!  

This spring he will turn 15 and I know the pace of changes and separation and working towards newly defined dreams will only intensify.  So for now I am grateful for the fact that he still gives hugs warmly and willingly.  That he asks each day when I come home how my day was and that he enjoys movie nights with his doddering parents.  I am blessed.

Interim excitement

So I wrote a post back probably in the end of January, or perhaps early February about my boss leaving and how I applied for the job.  I was summarily told I was not particularly qualified for the position and sent back to my office.  Well, not exactly, but it was a very short conversation and the person in chage of hiring was very definate that he felt I was unqualified.

I spent about 24 hours wallowing in self pity and then moved on emotionally.  My plan was to continue building my skill set, taking classes that my company will pay for and then take those skills to another company (I actually have a company that said they would take my resume)  Meanwhile, no new manager was hired.  Many were apparently interviewed but no one fit the bill.  I took this as an opportunity to take on more tasks, learn more "managerial" tasks and reports, and to try to make things easier for the portfolio manager who was overseeing not only our site but at least 9 other properties.

On Friday she called me in to her office and said that she has been advocating on my behalf for the position. She said that she sees leadership potential in me and has been talking with folks at corporate.  She has told them about the tasks I have taken on and the things I have learned and apparently. . . I am to be an interim property manager with the possibility of things being permanent if I continue to show my worth.

I am so excited!

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Happy Thanksgiving to all!  We were lucky to have all the kids home this year. Fiona came here first before going on later in the day to her cousin's home where she will spend the night. Rob helped with a lot of the food prep this year, chopping veggies, making mac and cheese, a quiet but oh so helpful presence in the kitchen.  I made 5 pies and most are all ready nigh onto gone.  I try to make sure that there is something for everyone as I think everyone deserves to have a favorite food on a special day.  Hence pecan pie, chocolate mousse pie, lemon merangue pie, apple pie, and pumpkin pie.  A fruit salad for my sister in law who is diabetic.  We have a rather diverse Thanksgiving menu, owing in large part to the blending of our family favorites with the traditional New England menu and sides.  We had turkey with stuffing cooked in the bird and outside the bird (because some of us love stuffing but don't eat meat) I had a vegetarian entree of quinoa stuffed eggplant, we had mac and cheese, a big pot of sauteed spinach, and then all the usual suspects that one sees at a classic Thanksgiving day dinner in New England.  Somehow between an instant pot, two crock pots and all 4 burners and the oven, we got it all cooked, baked and served!

I am thankful that my FIL and SIL could be with us, as well as my BIL and his wife, our dear friends who are godparents to our kids  were also here.  It was freezing outside but inside there was a lot of love and laughter and I am truly blessed.  My FIL recently had a health scare and we are even more mindful of the fact that the times we are together need to be treasured as they are finite.

In many ways this has been a very hard year.  We have had a number of really tough financial issues to deal with. But there is always much to be grateful for.  Our kids are amazing. They are thoughtful, they are fun to be with and they are caring.  KC who now goes by Ken in the work world, has a part time job at a grocery store and helps with a class at the dance school he attends.  He decided he wanted a character part in the dance recital--which is part theater as well as dance.  He auditioned last week and got a role.  It is hard to believe that this is the child who used to clutch my hand so tightly back stage that I could feel my bones protest!

Fiona has a part time job also and is doing so well for herself. She is setting goals and learning money management and slowly becoming more adult in her choices. 

Elisabeth is almost 12 and spunky sassy and personable.  I admire her ability to stand up for herself and others--she is rarely swayed by the opinions of others.

Chet is happy and helpful and always in the thick of things.  Rob is a quietly helpful guy, a respected employee of the restaurant where he is a chef and as beloved a brother as he is a son.

I truly am so very blessed.

Girl Time

All right folks.  My tech skills are obviously a bit lacking tonight as for the life of me I can't make the picture anything but sideways.  And of course, we were not laying on our sides to take this picture.  Instead, my lovely Elisabeth and I had a girls afternoon at a hair care event in our city.  It was specifically for people of color and I was definately in the minority.  I didn't mind a bit.  It is important for Elisabeth, who is 11 now (and incidently HOW did my baby get to be 11?) to be surrounded by strong brown and black women. These women in addition to many owning their own businesses, know a lot about hair and self care.  People were friendly and easy to engage in conversation--course I am chatty by nature so you generally have to give me the cut direct for me to realize you don't want me hanging around!

They spoke knowledgeably about the dangers hidden in many of the cosmetics and hair products that are used.  They spoke on the importance of healthy diets and having a healthy self love.  There were free samples, free healthy food snacks and a time to talk and build connections.  She had a wonderful time and really enjoyed it.  She told me afterwards that it is usually hard to sit still so long but that this was interesting.  She is of an age where she has much more say (and often her own cash) involved in purchases and I feel that since she is such a fashion forward young woman, I want her to hopefully make smart choices that will enhance her beauty if that is what she wants, but not undermine her health.

We have had this gathering on our calendar for weeks but it was this weekend that a picture came through my Facebook feed of a TRA black child with a photo shoot in a cotton field with her white parents.  Seriously?  I have no words for the anger I feel at the insensitivity.  That lovely young lady could have been in a field of wildflowers if you were going for the nature look.  It did not have to be something associated with slavery and degradation of a people.

Do I think the parents intended it?  Nope, but I sure do think they were insensitive and that they need to do things like what we did today.  There have to be times my kids are not in the minority. Whether it is me being the only white face at a birth family reunion, or a gathering like this,  Adopting my children is not a case of them somehow becoming me with more melatonin.  It also means I have an obligation to honor and celebrate who they are and help them to feel positive about themselves.

Aside from all of that, it was just a "girl time" experience for Lissa and I. At 11 she is becoming a witty, sometimes sarcastic, but pretty clever and enjoyable companion.  It was a super fun experience.  I also came away with a contact for a photographer.  She was at the event and had a really calm demeanor.  We need to think about getting another family portrait done. The kids have changed so much since the last one.  Finding one that is a good fit for Chet can be a challenge but I really liked this woman's vibe.  We shall see.

First Campout of 2018-- VERY Late post!

We are back from our first camp out of the summer and it was so much fun!  Hikes, theme parks, board games with friends.  We could see stars and the milky way clearly at night and I slept soundly tucked into my sleeping bag in our tent.

This year we brought another girl with us as well.  I don't really know her parents well; I have met them twice actually.  But I know her through our camping friends and my kids knew her as well.  She very much wanted to come on a camping vacation and her parents would not go. So her parents messaged me and wanted to know if I would take their daughter camping.

I was fine with it and she was very easy to bring.  I actually felt bad because everything we did was so new and exciting to her. She is 16 and clearly hasn't had a lot of experiences offered her in life. So making pancakes on the griddle outdoors was amazing.  Making "walking tacos" was thrilling. Going to Storyland had her over the moon taking pictures with characters.  Hiking up some waterfalls?  The absolute bomb.

I felt lucky to be able to offer those experiences to her.  I guess I hadn't really realized that there are lots of kids who don't get exposures in life.  My friends and i have camped together since 2012.  Our kids have grown up together camping and enjoying all that such vacations offer. This young lady's mom doesn't like warm weather and doesn't like to go out of the house and leave her a/c  Her dad thinks that kids don't need to go anywhere.

But they do.  The world is large and wide and in order to learn how to navigate in it, they need to get out in it.  They have to learn to make decisions (trying to decide what to order at a diner was torture for her) They have to learn to help (everyone helps police our site to keep it boring for bears as we camp in bear country) Everyone helps set up and everyone helps break camp but in between there is lots of fun. 

I am also a pretty laid back camper in that I tend to go with the flow--weather often dictates what can happen.  But kids choose a lot of the activities locations and experiences.  It was super super fun.  I can't wait for the next campout!

***Edited to note that I wrote this in July and forgot to post it!

Camping 2018

The kids and I are back from a camping trip with friends.  We knew we had been camping together a long time but Facebook memories says we have been at this since 2012!  Sure didn't realize it was that long.  Other families have filtered in and out of our camping group but the two of our families have remained constant.  Watching the kids grow up together has been pretty special.  They range from 8 to 16 now and hang out together really well.  No cliques.  Dynamics ebb and flow acording to interests.  Pool time found the upper aged teens horsing around in the deep end and then gathered on the pool stairs laughing and talking.  The younger ones were doing more swimming than chatting. 

But it was such an easy campout because there was always someone around who had an interest in what the other kid was doing or wanted to do.  So I had nearly 6 days with no whining or arguing--truly a Mom miracle! 

Us parents are good friends too--we feed each others kids, help each other out, and love to play board games by the fire at night. 

My campsite was less than stellar (noisy neighbors) but at the end of the day, I didn't care.  (and eventually the noisy ones packed up and left.)  Life is too short to focus on negative.  I was too busy watching the stars that you can't see in the city, cooking on the camp stove, hiking and swimming and making memories.  There are likely more years behind us now than ahead of us for these type of gatherings.  Those upper aged teens like my KC and my friends E and K are going to be busy with jobs and their own lives really soon. The signs are there now.  Older teens going off together when we are at a venue and stopping back periodically to check with us.  Evening games that don't require adults after dinner is done.

I'm loving where we are now, and how deep our friendships have become. I am loving the people all the kids are evolving into and watching that transformation from kid to young adult is really a privilege.  I enjoy also the fact that the more relaxed venue of camping has always made it easier for kids (mine and who ever else is around) to talk.  This trip it was KC, who shared his thoughts on taking a relationship from best friend to boyfriend/girlfriend status.  His concerns about losing a good friend, of not wanting to rush her were thoughtful and true signs of the young man he is becoming. 

But I am not going to lie.  I also miss this.  When Rob was younger than KC is now and Lissa was a bit of a thing.  Camping was probably a lot more work than it is now--though I don't remember it that way.  But my friends were teasing me this trip about how early my kids used to go to bed so I know a whole lot has changed as they got older. As things change as they grow and mature sometimes I feel like I am the one on the Chimney Drop!

Book Games

Apparently when your kids get to a certain age it is increasingly less cool to take pictures with/of them.  However KC was ok with me taking a picture of a game he worked hard to create.  He assists with our library boys book club every month.  When he started helping he decided that cooler games had to be introduced because the kids were sick of trivia games. 

He did Jeopardy, a board game of his own creation, a matching game, a home made Headbans knock off and a couple others.  However the final game of the season should be, in his words, so amazing that they would all want to return in the fall.  He decided to create Book Opoly. 

KC is creative and really good with the big picture concept stuff. The how to get it done stuff?  That usually still needs a fair amount of my help.  However he had a really clear vision of how to turn Monopoly into a book themed game.  We found blank property cards in a fillable pdf on line and made them the titles of books.  We renamed EVERYTHING on the board. We made cards.  It was a big job.

However he saw it through and it was honestly fun working on it with him.  Best of all, his group LOVED it.  So much so that 10 minutes after they were supposed to be done they were all still playing the game.  As the librarian said when she came out to talk with me--this age group (8 to 12 year old boys) is pretty unforgiving. If they don't like something you will know it.  The fact that they were still playing when they were supposed to be going home spoke volumes.

I could tell KC knew it too because when he finally came out he was positively glowing.  I don't have a picture of the giant grin on his face as he came through the door but I think it is imprinted on my heart forever.

Movie Fun-Horse Race Won!

Yesterday my wife was supposed to take this guy to see the movie Solo.  They had planned the date for quite a while.  Unfortunately she is very sick and on extra strength antibiotics for what turned out to be a double ear infection, throat infection and sinus infection.  A true trifecta of non-fun!

KC was devastated.  Apparently when you are a young teen you must stay off social media to avoid spoilers in the movies you are interested in.  The thought of at least another week in media black out had him having conniptions.

Being the kind mom that I am, I offered to stand in.  I sweetened the deal by offering to have him bring a couple of friends--aka people who might actually know what is going on in the film.  The kids could meet us, and we agreed on a 7 p.m. show.

It is a testament to my devoted parenting that i did not bail on this gig.  Because what I had forgotten in the haste to resolve the family crisis was that Saturday was the last leg of the Triple Crown race.  I am a Triple Crown horse race fan since I was about 7 and wanted to be a jockey.  The race would run at 6:30 and there was no way I would be home to see it. The movie theater is about 20 minutes from our home.

I sucked it up and adulted and went to the movies.  The movie was actually good.  The kids enjoyed it and chatted among themselves, totally not minding I was there.  My wife, bless her, taped the race for me so at least I can see Justify win the Triple Crown!

We are all gifts.

In a week where two celebrities committed suicide, my social media feed is once more filled with PSA announcements on the lines of "hey someone cares, if you feel like this call this #" Or, friend to friend announcements of "I'm always there if you (and this is the general you as it was not intended to one specific person" want to talk.

And this is good.  But what I am wondering is what else do we do? Because i am willing to be the fashion designer and the chef who just died had friends.  In fact, as is also sadly typical, their friends and family posted on how they did not know something was wrong. That they had seemed so happy etc.

I know there are times when you know someone is going through a bad patch.  I have reached out to friends and coworkers who I can tell are stressed or upset.  But did I say enough?  Was the situation more emotionally painful than I realized and chatting over that cup of Dunks or on the lunch break was too superficial to matter?  I don't know.  And my natural New Englander reserve squirms at the idea of going back to them and trying to check further.

I seriously can't think of a way that doesn't sound super weird to start a conversation up again.  I mean do you just ask everyone who is having a really hard time if they are considering self harm?  And would people answer honestly or would they be offended?  I know I would ask my children. I know I would ask my spouse.  I am not sure I really would be comfortable asking anyone else.

I'll own that suicide puzzles me.  That level of psychic pain is thankfully something I have never experienced. And I believe profoundly that we all have a purpose on this world and gifts to give. Gifts we may not even know we are sharing.  So maybe part of my issue is  because I have never been in this emotional place? 

What I do know though is that we need to somehow do more.  I don't think Facebook posts will change anything.  I think a lot of people who kill themselves are really expert at hiding the level of pain from people who love them.  So I don't know what the answer is, but I sure hope someone comes up with something better than the memes I am seeing on social media. I want to be someone who helps; but I am truly unsure how.

Happy Birthday Rob June 2nd

Rob turned 22 yesterday.  It is hard to wrap my mind around that. The mom in me remembers the dinosaur themed birthday.  The year we had the bowling party with his friends.  The skateboard party and on and on. . But years have rolled by with increasing speed and he is a man now. And a good man.  No one is perfect and he certainly isn't but at the core, he is a just so good.  He is loving and caring.  Never will he be one for lots of words, but he is there showing his caring by the way he acts.  He's the kind of guy who gets his girl flowers just because.  Or who choses to make supper on a night he knows I have had a tough day.  Or who buys his brother and sister cool kicks because mean mom caps out the shoe budget at what I believe is a reasonable figure for growing feet! He is beloved by his siblings and we were all together to celebrate his day.  We had a lunch out at a restaurant of his choice and the meal was filled with lots of laughter and smiles and silliness.  (That is KC cracking up in one of the pictues and Fiona and Chet are laughing in a couple others.)  Lissa considers herself far too cool to giggle with abandon if there is a camera around!  It was special to be able to celebrate with Fiona here.

She and Lissa had a manicure first and Fi got her ears pierced after that.  So the lady folks were  all stylin by the time it came to lunch out to celebrate their brother.  After lunch we went home and had cake and gifts which left him a large part of the late afternoon and the evening to go and hang out with his friends.  Late that night he and his friends returned to our house for a campfire in the back yard.

The years have also woven birth and adoptive families together.  I always tag his first mother in the photos as well as the other first family members that I know.  I am friends (both IRL and via the internet with many of he and Fiona's first family but not all.) Those that I know continue the tagging of photos spreading news out to those in other states who want to know this child we share has grown, has thrived and is ready and eager to embrace all the world offers.

I feel lucky every time that we can celebrate with Rob.  I know that there are probably a finite number of such celebrations left to us.  He is fledging slowly but surely and is increasingly less consistantly available.  He has a wide circle of friends. He is a hard worker and I know in my heart that there will (and indeed, should) come a time when he will decide to take an apartment with a friend.  Someday birthday congratulations will be by computer and telephone so every moment we are able to celebrate together is precious to us all.  Happy birthday son.  Remember always that you are a most precious gift to your family and the world.

Land of the Free?

When I finish my latest mystery novel I plan on reading a book I just took from the library today.  It is called The Heritage  by Howard Bryant and focusses on black athletes, and the politics of patriotism in the sports world.

I am deeply disturbed by the recent NFL ruling that players on the field must stand for the national anthem.   White folks are telling POC once more to do what they are told. The "yes massa" mentality reeks in this decision.  These men can be paid highly for their skills but this decision makes it clear that they are performing at the whim of white owners.  White owners can make them wear pink accessories for breast cancer month (and frankly, I think there is nothing that looks stranger to me than guys playing football with pink socks and gloves) They can wear things to honor our veterans.  None of these are bad.  My point is that they are expected to put forth the agenda of the owners and the NFL. They are not allowed to use their positions to put forth respectfully, an agenda of their own.

The rise of nationalism in our country all ready scares the be-jesus out of me.  I have friends who have been stopped at checkpoints while on vacation in the Northeast.  They were stopped strictly because the family "didn't match."  They were relieved they carried birth certificates showing they were related.

Really?  In 2018 in the USA we need to carry papers.  There are no words for how this chills me.  The "real ID" license also chills me.  I will have to get one.  I need to get into federal buildings for my work and as of 2020 I can't without it.  But the whole national data base things runs counter to the foundation of freedom that exist(ed) in our country and which I interpret as the intent of the much touted founding fathers.  "Having papers" sounds a lot more like Nazi Germany to me and makes me worry for my children and their future.  Somehow all this feels intertwined to me and I hope that reading this book will be part of helping me sort out my feelings and opinions more cogently.

Happy Anniversary!

Today was a big day in our house.  My wife and I celebrated 40 years together.  We began our lives together in 1978 and knew we were committed to each other and to the life we would make together.  In 2004 we were able to legalize that commitment and formally married.  But we did it on the same day we privately pledged to each other initially so that our anniversary date would always be the same.  The picture above is special because of two things.

The first is that KC created the arrangement (and in fact many decor arrangements around the house today).  He knows that I love to change out the decorations on our sideboard and the tops of cabinets as the wheel of the year turns.  As a gift to K and I he did this for us today.  I love the colors and all that he did.  The fact that it was his idea makes it especially meaningful.

The second thing that is special in this picture is the candle set.  This was made by a friend of ours as a special commission requested by my wife.  One candle holder is blue tones representing my wife. The other is the yellow and orange tones that I gravitate towards.  The holder itself is intertwined as we have become over years of laughter, tears, wonder and the magic of knowing it isn't all rose petals and swelling soundtracks.  We have been there for each other in the messy and in the exultant times.  Here's to 40 more!

Mum's Birthday

Time flies by.  I see the evidence of this nearly daily.  My computer runs through all my old picture files when I am not using it because the slide show is the screen saver.  Tiny KC tapping on the keys of a computer when he was still a toddler.  Tiny Lissa challenging the slide at the park. Rob at 8 playing baseball, and at 12 when he began to skateboard.  Blink and the next photo is Rob at prom, and Lissa as a Junior Girl Scout and KC as a confident teen in one of his many dance classes.

But time has not just flown for them.  It has also flown for our aging parents.  I noticed when my FIL came out for the dance recital this year that he looked --well, older.  He still bowls and is active but there is a new frailty somehow.  He does not look robust.  The years are whittling away at him. He has always been so vital and vibrant, that this new proof of mortality chills me.  He is my dad in so many ways, much more than a father in law to me.

Yesterday we went to Maine to celebrate my Mom's birthday. She turns 85 on the 29th  She too, is seeming older.  Movement is at times more challenging for her.  Her energy is less constant.  She has recurrent health issues that take her attention and energy.  Which is not to say she is helpless or on the verge of stepping through to the summerlands.  But I have the feeling that our time with both of them is precious and finite.

So today's trip was very special as Rob had the day off from work and was able to come with us.  So the entire clan was there, including Lissa's dog Luna who has captured my mom's heart--celebrating, laughing and of course, eating!

She enjoyed her gifts, but the best gift of all for her was that Rob could be there.  Often now, when we go up, he is at work and not able to be with us.  Her smile was a mile wide when he walked through the door.

I am really lucky that by and large my kids have always gotten how important being there for family is.  They make a lot of effort to be there for each other and for our extended family and I am so grateful. Likewise, extended family have been there for my kids.  Attending dance recitals, calling on birthdays, coming to visit and just always being interested in them.  It matters so much.  It really is a village that raises a child and I am blessed and my kids are blessed that the inner core of our village is so loving and constant for them.

Another trip around the sun for KC

This guy is 14 tomorrow!  The celebrating began this weekend with a trip north where we celebrated with my mom and her companion.  I feel so lucky that not only were they part of the festivities, but that this is what KC requested we do.  His connection to family is real and deeply felt.  It was a really fun visit and he was, as you can see, very happy.

There are odd little family traditions with a trip to see Nana.  There is my wife rolling down the windows and greeting the Saco River as we drive over it.  No matter the weather, no matter what.  Every.single.time.  The kids and I laugh about it if we go up alone as this is not something that any of the rest of us do.

There is KC's love of a specific brand of orange juice that can't be found down here.  He has to buy three bottles of it every time we visit.  And my wife loves a specific 1 1/2 per cent milk that she only finds in Maine.  We all have to eat Amato's pizza because it is the best pizza ever and isn't found here in Mass.  None of the above are the reason for a visit, yet they are woven into the weft of the fabric of our journeys there; part of the memories that my kids will take forward into the world as adults.  It is the littlest of things we often remember most clearly.

KC is an amazing young man.  He is artistic and creative with a strong sense of what is fair and just.    I love that he is open and able to talk with me about the things in his heart, whether it is chatter about dance, his friends, or deeper issues of concerns about racism or questions about adoption. 

Over the past year he has matured so much.  Physically he is much more a young man--taller now than anyone else in our family, and getting his first razor just a month or so back!  He is also just a very gentle guy; so kind with younger kids.

He has volunteered this year with our library for the boys bookc lub.  He creates a game each month for the boys to play based on the book.  He puts a lot of time and thought into this. And although time management is NOT one of his great gifts (which means a lot of 11th hour scrambles to complete his vision) he still manages to come up with some great ideas.  He has made bingos and jeopardy games, a board game and this month a riff on the game of Headb*ndz.  He sets the room up for the meeting and puts the room away afterwards as well.  The boys really look up to him.  He is a "cool" looking young guy and yet stays approachable as well.

Tomorrow we have a small celebratory family supper planned and later at the end of the month a group of his friends have planned a rather extensive celebration for him.  A movie outing, a sleep over and allegedly an epic lip synch and dance off battle.  One of his friends is making a cake, we are providing snacks and other foods but mostly it is being done by friends for him.  At first I was a bit put off by this.  After all, I LOVE to plan a party. I would totally be down with doing this.

Then I stopped and told myself to shut up.  How wonderful is it that he has such a group of friends?  That is such a good friend that they want to do this for him?  How amazing is that? He is, as are all my kids, that which I am most grateful for always.  A greater gift I can not imagine

The Value of LIfe

So I am reeling a bit here.  I mentioned the Hart family murders in the previous blog post.  In the town just next to me yesterday a 6 year old girl was killed by her parents and her 9 year old brother injured by them as well.  A few towns over, an infant was killed. 

I can't imagine how or why these things happen.  I really believe life is sacred.  I don't really mean that in the religious sense.  I am a UU and a pagan.  My religious beliefs are probably pretty much outside the main stream.  However trusty dictionary.com defines sacred thus:

secured against violation, infringement, etc., as by reverence or sense of right:
properly immune from violence, interference, etc., as a person or office.

That sums it up pretty neatly for me.  Children deserve always to be immune from violence, to be protected and safe, to have the possibility that is every young life viewed with reverence.

Somehow we have lost that as a society.  It spreads across all demographics, all levels of social class.  As we gathered to begin celebrating my youngest son's 14th birthday I was mindful that there is a child the next town over that will never turn 7. Everytime violence is perpetuated against a child people try to make sense of it.  In the case of the Hart family much has been written about their adoptive family status, the fact that they were homeschoolers,the fact that they were a same sex marriage.  The abuse and murder in my area was by biological parents,though apparently also homeschoolers.

I watched my kids laugh and celebrate this weekend.  I gathered with friends and had the joy of holding and feeding their new baby while we visited and chatted.  These times fill me with peace, with hope, with joy.

I think as a society when we lose those feelings, when we stop valuing the youngest and oldest among us, we are truly in dark, and scary times.

Love your children well

My feed has been flooded lately with stories on the tragedy of the Hart family car crash.  Or maybe I should say the Hart family murder/suicides? I can't wrap my head around any  of it.  Adoptees and former foster youth are rightly outraged.  6 beautiful children dead.  People try to explain it.  People I know and respect in the adoption community are highly polarized about this. So let me just say for the record that in my opinion there is no way that what happened can be logically explained.  It was cruel.  It was horrible.  Six innocent lives were lost. Adoptive parents should be outraged and angry. They should not be trying to justify what happened by the real or imagined challenges of parenting the children.

It does not matter to me if the kids had "issues."  They were still children these two women chose to adopt.  How twisted people like that were allowed to adopt baffles me.  I guess I ironically always thought that becoming an adoptive parent gave me a leg up on some parenting issues.  Not all of them obviously.

I didn't know nearly enough about the mental health issues that challenge my eldest.daughter.  I didn't know anything about aspergers and autism and how they would shape my Chet's views of the world and his interactions.  I didn't know nearly enough about institutional racism until I became a parent of black and asian indian children.

But that didn't mean I was unprepared for everything.  I remember all those homestudy meetings.  They were filled with hard questions that I really took time to wrestle with.  No one comes from a perfect background.  I spent a lot of time thinking about my childhood and what I would want to bring to my kids experiences and why I felt some things should not be replicated.  We talked about how Kirsty and I felt about key parenting issues--schooling, consequences for actions, and so much more. We talked about racism, parenting a child of trauma, disabilities.

Did I still have a lot more to learn?  Abso-freaking-lutely!  But I felt like I had spent so much time working on the basics that when the less usual stuff came up--mental health issues, behavioral challenges, I could focus on needs and solutions to those problems.  I wasn't juggling say autistic perserverations and whether or not I believed in swatting my kid on the tush. (for the record, I don't)
I kept reading, I kept reaching out, I kept connected with people who would understand what my kids need.  Note that I didn't say what I need.  Because taking care of my needs?  That should not be my big focus as a parent.  I see it as a continuim.  When my wife and I first got together we had lots of time to focus just on us. From 18 to 27 or so we were all about us. We deepened our bonds to each other. We had spontaneous weekend getaways, we made couples memories.

Then we adopted Chet and our lives changed.  Everyones lives change when they bring a child home.  Yes, ours changed more intensely given his diagnosis.   When he became a teen and his needs were less intense and we knew we had love and energies to offer other children we adopted again, several more times.  In each case, we gave each child who entered our family time to settle in.  We reflected and had lots of conversation before each adoption. We made sure we were still both on the same page. (for the record, I personally wanted to adopt once more when my wife said no. I respected her wish.  Knowing your own limits, what works for you as a parent, that is needed for everyone bio or adoptive.) It was never about having the most kids on the block (though we probably do) It was about how deeply we love children and parenting and kids that needed both of those things.

There have been wonderful times and hard times.  I wouldn't trade any of them.  And I am grateful every single day for the gift of family and my children.  As the years race by--KC will be 14 in mere days, Lissa is 11, I know that in not that many years it will likely be just me and my wife and Chet. The wheel will have turned again.

Hold your children close.  Remember the gift that they are, always.

Falling into Easter

Easter with my troops.  The top picture was a good couple years ago.   Rob wasn't working full time then and was able to go to church with us.  Now that he is full time at the restaurant his skills are needed for Easter brunch which runs from 9-3. So he was not able to be with us except for a short bit this morning before he headed to work and we got in the car to head out to church. (our church is a goodly drive from our house.) He wasn't wanting to be in the picture initially.  Not duded up, in his work clothes, I said I'd stick him in the back if he wanted but that him being in the shot was way more important than what he was wearing.  And he is wearing his beautiful smile which is all I need to see anyway.

It was a wonderful weekend.  Fiona has not been home for an overnight in a long time.  Not from my choosing but because she said it made her feel too sad when she went back to her group home. But she was eager to spend the night when I talked to her and I arranged to pick her up Saturday.  She and Lissa wanted to see the movie A Wrinkle in Time so we planned to do that Saturday afternoon, and color our eggs after supper on Saturday.

The "wrinkle" in our time together was that on Friday night while roller skating I fell and did something to my right wrist and arm.  I actually did not know that i did anything at the time. It hurt but not excessively.  (in fairness, I do have a really high pain level and once performed a gymnastics floor routine with a broken finger) I kept skating, Lissa and I had fun (it was a birthday party for a friend.) 

I didn't know anything was amiss till Saturday morning when I went to go grocery shopping and could not press down to shift my car into reverse.  (I still drive standard).  However I have an abhorrance of hospitals, and the one in our city in particular.  On a number of occasions I have had less than stellar care for myself or my family.  Also I am a bit parsimonious and my insurance has a $200 co-pay for an ER visit.  I decided I would wait till Monday and call my dr then and our weekend would proceed as planned.

This actually worked pretty well.  I am able to do a ton of things left handed--the benefits of having my eldest be a lefty is that I learned how to do things that way too.  Our weekend was filled with fun and laughter and lots of love.  I wrapped my arm so I would not have to look at it but when my fingers started getting discolored my wife had me take the bandage off.  LOL

Monday the doctors office was closed so I actually did not see anyone till Tuesday.  By that time I had developed a truly technicolor lower arm, wrist and thumb. It remains purple green and blue. So very attractive.  However an x ray said no break.  Which may or may not be true.  An x ray said that when my daughter broke her hip so my faith in traditional medical things is somewhat weak. 

It is improving, though more slowly than I would like.  I can drive stick again, after almost a full week of having to use the van which is an automatic.  I went to yoga Saturday and had to be careful but there were lots of things I could do.  I can open doors again, but not first thing in the morning.  And I can't twist jar lids or swing anything heavy around.  But mostly, I can function well and I am grateful for that.    My most helpful thing was purchasing arnica gel and using that pretty regularly.  It helps with the discomfort and some of the swelling and bruising.  The poor nurse practitioner just didn't know quite what to do with me.

"Are you icing it?"  she asked. Nope.  I have reynauds and my hands are cold all the time. Icing is super painful to me.  "Are you taking ibuprofin for pain and swelling?"  Nope.  It hurts but less than a migraine so I didn't bother.  "Are you wrapping it?"  Only tried once.  I whipped out my arnica gel and she stared at me like I had three heads.  I tried to explain the benefits of arnica (I have used it before; this is not the first time.)  But it is such an alien concept to western medical providers I might as well have said something in another language.  Thank goodness I didn't  tell her that I just breathe through the pain when it wakes me up at night. (apparently I have an annoying habit of rolling over on it while I am sleeping.) I think for regular doctors I am a horrible patient.  I think mostly my body will heal itself, I do just want to hurry it up so I can open a spaghetti sauce jar with my right hand!

Black Panther!

This afternoon, Fiona, KC, Lissa and I went to see the Black Panther movie.  We were supposed to go weeks ago but Lissa had the flu and wouldn't be able to come and then KC got sick right after she got well. Fi showed remarkable restraint waiting till they were both well so we could all have the time together.  

It was an amazing movie.  Much has been written about the fantastic costumes, the scenery the respectful representation of a number of African nations in the creation of the fictional country of Wakanda. All of that is true, but that isn't what this post is about.

This is about the importance of all kids being able to have larger than life super heroes to identify with and admire.  All 3 of my kids talked at considerable length on the way to the theater about how *finally* there was a real super hero movie for black people.  They spoke of how rarely you see a movie with a primarily black cast (and while we certainly have seen dramas with mostly black casts I think the whole superhero genre is so important to kids that this was their primary focus)  This is not to say that there haven't been occasional black characters in highly popular movies as well.  For instance, the new Star Wars has Finn.  That was great for KC who wanted to be him for Halloween before the movie was even out in theaters.  But it sort of left Lissa in the dust.  She is a very literal child and if a character is not black, she feels silly being her.  Black Elsa and a black Rey were not her cups of tea.  

This movie had so many cool characters that they could choose from--it wasn't just one or even two. And the characters had well drawn personalities.  There was nothing cliche about them.  Lissa was very drawn to the younger techie sister for instance. Young, smart and sassy, I won't be surprised if that is her choice for Halloween! Fiona was fascinated by the female warriors. KC of course is all about the Black Panther specifically and the way the movie fits into the jigsaw puzzle of other Marvel movies.  For him that is important too--that the Black Panthers story makes sense and has a place in among all the other super heroes.

We also had an interesting conversation on the character of Killmonger and how he planned to use Wakanda's wealth to further black power in a military manner.  Now we have Wrinkle in Time to look forward to--and we want to buy a door mat that says "Welcome to Wakanda!"

**disclaimer, I wrote this 2 weeks ago and somehow forgot to hit publish!

Guns and Children

I could not watch the news last night.  The coverage of the most recent school shootings in Florida chilled me to my core.  I thought of all the normal mornings that happened in the houses of those victims.  The things that parents meant to say and waited till after school. The things kids meant to say but that slipped their minds as they rushed to find homework, permission slips and lunch cash.  Lives that changed in the blink of an eye, never to be the same.  I look at my kids and can't imagine how i would go on if that happened to us.  I know you have to go on.  I don't know how.

I'm filled with anger that a country like ours can not find a way to keep our most treasured resource--human life--safe.  I come from a family of hunters.  My dad hunted every year--deer, rabbit, birds.  I am not a stranger to guns and I don't fear guns per se.  I have shot them.  I have had 16 hours of handgun training as part of my black belt test for my first degree test. 

But guns have a place.  And certain guns don't in my mind, have a place in civilian hands.  Guns like that one used in Florida would be one such.  You don't hunt deer with that.  You hunt people.  We are so afraid that legislation will take away our second amendment rights that we are willing to risk exterminating ourselves.  We blame it on mental health issues instead of the fact that access to these weapons is far, far too easy.  The people who wrote that second amendment had single shot rifles that took a minute to load. They did not envision the advances in weaponry that are available today.

Most people with mental illness are not violent. But we cut services to this population and then stigmatize them further by blaming them for this situation.  Both parts of the tragic equation need to be addressed.  Until we do, I see no way to believe things will improve.

Scare Others

I keep wrestling with the changes I see in our country.  I have a hard time wrapping my head around the incredible unkindness that I see in people's posts.  In the policies they want our elected officials to enact.  In their support of the things that are being done.  This video came through my Facebook feed and I was appalled.  It was a Jimmy Kimmel bit where he brought together Dreamers and people who are totally against DACA. Google it if you haven't seen it.  I couldn't make the link copy properly into my blog and am not sufficiently techie to fool around with it.

Despite meeting a family and seeing their situation (woman who is an employed mother, a nursing student and the fiancee of a military National Guardsman) the vote was overwhelmingly to deport her.  I was stunned, because I think in my heart I always thought if people could put a name and a face to the situation they would think differently. That this would remove the "other-ness" that seems to permit some folks to look at the situation so harshly.  Kind of like when gay marriage was not legal and people would say "those people--but not YOU, YOU are different."  I wasn't different, but I was known.  I was a face that was everyday normal to them and therefore people who knew us well were apparently moved to consider our situation through a different lens.

I'm not sure they would now, because somehow the climate of our country has changed so radically.  I can't even wrap my head around it well to write cogently what I feel in my heart, so bear with me.  The closest thing I can come up with is that we used to operate on the American Dream.  A belief that virtually anything was possible and that it was not harmful to lift up others in their quest for their dream.  We believed  our possibilities, our resources were limitless and available to all and that we could achieve the most by working together for a greater good.

 Now, I best describe our country's mindset as operating from a position of scarcity and "otherness".  Somehow we have become convinced that there are not enough jobs in this country for both immigrants and american citizens to build healthy, meaningful lives.  If we allow immigrants ,we suspect our own jobs will be lost.  If we allow Dreamers a path to citizenship, we foresee negative consequences, a perceived reward being given to a child who had no choice in what happened to them. That perceived leniency is not possible because they are "other."  They are not Americans and therefore their existence is a threat.  I have yet to read an arguement that made sense to me of how and why this was a threat but clearly the perception is that they need to be punished. 

I know some Dreamers in my real life.  They are hard workers and have tried their best to correct a situation that was not of their making.  They want to continue to build their lives here. What truly IS a waste is to send smart, contributing young people away so they can make a living in some other country.  I can't see how that benefits us.

I know some immigrants in my real life.  A lot of them actually because of the work that I do.  They are hard working, contributing members of society.  They do jobs at pays that no one else wants to.  Frankly if they were not there to hire, I am not sure that the jobs would get filled because us real Americans are not all quite as fond of some of those types of jobs. We've got the education and the birth right but not an over whelming desire to pick the fruits in the apple orchards or the lettuce in the fields.  We sure like to eat though so this could become interesting somewhere down the road.

Why don't we think there is enough to go around?  My guess is that our scarcity model is fueled ironically by the excessive consumption that is encouraged by the advertising nowadays.  Ever try to buy a regular sized anything these days?  It's kind of hard because everything is large, supersized,etc.  So we spend more than we need, we want more than we need and we become hard hearted because we are all out to "get ours." 

A sad legacy for our children.

40 Years of Love

It is time to start decorating for Valentines Day around here.  In addition to the decor that the kids and I have made over the years, I also typically put out my grandmothers ruby glass collection--or at least pieces of it.  Most of it came to her at a large 40th anniversary party that was held for she and my grandfather.

I remember that party so well.  It was at the summer camp where I spent every summer growing up and it seemed like there were so many people.  There probably were--my grandparents were very social.  But I know that memories from way back when I was about 7 or 8 are a likely to be somewhat inaccurate. 

I remember that there seemed to be endless tables of food, and that I got to help my mother make some and set things out on the buffets.  I remember eating meatballs but nothing else about what was actually served. I remember music and pictures and I think some dancing.  It was a joyful magical time and I loved it, even though at the time the idea of 40 years of marriage being special was not very interesting to me.  I didn't know either that the very next year my grandmother would be diagnosed with breast cancer and two years later she would be gone.

Tonight I thought a lot about the 40 years of marriage as I dressed our dining room.  Though my wife and I have only had the joy of a legal marriage since 2004, we have been together since 1978  That makes 40 years for us this May.

So much has happened in those years.  Years of joy, years of sorrow, challenges, triumphs, dreams both realized and deferred.  Through it all, we have had each other.  We are in so many ways such polar opposites, I am chatty and gregarious. She is friendly but reserved and treasures quiet space and times. Yet at our core, we are each others touch stones, and I can not envision life without my soulmate. 

It helps me understand more fully the spiralling despair that my grandfather went through when his wife died.  And it reminds me to treasure every moment, because the gift of true love is not just at Valentines Day and not to be taken lightly.

I love the Grammys but. . .

I love music.  Almost every kind of music there is. There is one genre I don't particularly love but I will not even put out there what it is.  The reason is that to me, music is an important way for us to express the things that our spoken words or innermost thoughts are afraid to say.

I loved the Grammy's this year, though I confess I have DVR'd the last 30 minutes so that I will watch it tonight.  I also was loathe to give up my 30 minutes of reading time so I am having my cake and eating it too with the magic of recording.

Lots of my favorite artists won this year--notably Kendrick Lamar and Bruno Mars.  What was also notable to me was who did not win.  Namely Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee.  Despacito was the biggest hit (obviously we are just talking about my opinion here) in 2017  For actual stats, I looked up how many youtude hits it had.  There were something like 4 billion by October of last year.  I did not bother to look up how many sales there were, or downloads of the song, but I am sure there were high numbers there. 

So I ask you, why did they not win?  I believe simply they did not win because it was a latin group singing a latin song and this was a "mainstream" award.  We haven't come all that far people.

A special gift

My wife's birthday is in early February; KC's is in April.  Last week he came in to my work room staring at his phone.  "I'm so upset," he said.  "I just can't believe it."

I asked what was up and he said that Travis Wall and his dance company Shaping Sound were coming to a city near us for one performance only on January 29th.  Travis Wall is an amazing dancer and choreographer.  Our whole family is pretty well enarmored of his work and the amazing ways he thinks of helping to tell a story through dance.

I looked on line and knew that there was no way I could buy tickets for all of us.  The money tree in the back yard is dead, people!  (laughing)  It has been a hard winter financially, capping off a hard YEAR financially. Hey 2018 has to be better right? Please goddess? Anyway, I called my wife and suggested that I pay for she and KC to go together as birthday presents to them both. (the other part of KC's gift is a dinner out with 4 friends)  She was thrilled and they are both looking forward to this so much.

I am glad that I could gift them both with this.  For KC it isn't just about the dance which is his deep and abiding passion, but it is so important for him to see successful male dancers in the styles that he enjoys dancing in.  He adores contemporary and jazz and I know he will see a performance that will inspire him.  If you are curious, here is a Youtube link to a performance from the show.  You know I"ll be youtubing all I can to get a bit of its flavor here at home.  Shaping Sound  And while dance is not everyone's cup of tea--art in some form is so important for our kids; for all of us.  We need ways to express that which is deep within us and sometimes there is no way to release those emotions without dance, or song or another form of art.  I hope we all have ways to shape our sounds, and tell our truths.

Shiny New Year

This year both KC and Lissa were home for New Years Eve. Rob was working so it was me and my wife and the youngers who watched the New Year come in.  We watched a movie, played Apples to Apples and then noshed on the apps Lissa made from her new cookbook and while we watched the events from Times Square.  It was fun.  Low key fun, but made me think back to how much they have all grown.  New Years Eve used to be from a country some where else where it would be midnight there when it was about 6 to 8 p.m. here.  We'd have a feast based on the cuisine of the country we chose, play games jump on bubble wrap and it was literally done by 8 at the latest.

But they have grown so much.  Snuggling on the couch with them to watch the frozen folk in Times Square I am mindful that in a not distant future it will be me and my wife watching the new year come in.  Probably at that stage in life with a nice meal and an early bed. 

We have spent today taking down the tree, ordering a new tree since this one has survived all the kids, a plethora of animals and boy does it show it! We have cleaned and tidied and the house still looks pretty but also has a neatness and order about it that tends to disappear over the holidays.  Life is always busy and when you add in the holidays there is precious time to do much more than roll with the celebrations.  So I long ago decided that this was how I would handle it. I would clean thoroughly before decorating and thoroughly AFTER and the during was what my grandmother affectionately called "a lick and a promise."

I also got great headway on projects that are hard to fit into my regular schedule.  I have scrapbooks well in hand for 2017  On the one hand, since I only have 2 kids that I do this for now, you would think I could keep up better.  On the other hand, they have reached the point where their lives, experiences and interests do not mirror each other exactly so it increases the work in creating pages.  I have printed all the picture pages for both of them for all of 2017  I have organized all the additional memorablia--ticket stubs, receipts, menus and such and placed them in order with the pictures.  I now need to buy the scrapbook pages to insert in my plastic sleeves and then I can attach things permanently.  I always have great and grandiouse plans of keeping this up better.  I am not sure that i really can but am thinking of trying to literally schedule a scrapbooking date with myself at the end of every month.  We shall see.

Tomorrow my vacation is over and I return to work.  I have enjoyed every minute of my time off.  It has been a gift beyond measure but I am also ready to return to my familiar schedule. The week eases in a bit as it is a short week and the kids don't have any committments till Thursday.  Happy New Year all.  May 2018 be a good year to us all!