Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Trauma and truthtelling

This has been an odd week and it is only Tuesday.  Rob had a regressive time, filching things and having trouble with honesty.  Some of the things taken are his and just used at inappropriate times and places, some were things that were that not his.  All of it involved that phenomenon of bizarre story making that had very little if any basis in reality.  Partly I accidently set this up.  I try so  hard not to ask questions that invoke the "lie response." I try to speak in fact because anything else triggers a fear response for him and thus, the lying.  It doesn't matter that Rob has been our son for 9 years.  Stuff that happened in those first five years trumps a lot of good parenting.

My wife has trouble with this. She feels that we have been there longer, parented harder and that we should see the end of this.  I notice the smaller achievements, like the fact that there are longer periods between these episodes. That although Rob will never be loquacious, he was able to process this with me.  His consequence was first to define about 6 words that dealt with honesty or dishonesty and write me a one page paper on the incident and what he felt caused it.  It was interesting to me that he did write of a trigger this time.  Usually I get a lot of "I wanted it. I dunno etc."  This time he referenced being asked a question about our camcorder and that he knew I knew he lied and this made him nervous.  I can truthfully see the cascade effect of that kind of thing for someone who has a chaotic, trauma filled early life.  My wife doesn't connect the dots the same way.  I need to get her a book!  LOL  The second part of the consequence was today.  I erased all the words on the dry erase board that pertained to dishonesty and left integrity, honesty and truthful.  I said that I knew he was a good person and we needed to make a plan so that he could keep making better choices.  By the time I came home tonight, he had written a plan that would hopefully help him to keep things where they should be kept.

I know it is a little step, but it is a step. And it is a step forward at least, darn it, have had enough backward ones!  :-)

I need to write a post about the phone call with Amazing Jane tonight but that will have to come later as it is nearly time to put a few of the tribe to bed.

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