Yesterday I exchanged numerous emails with Jane. She seems willing to have weekly 5 minute supervised phone calls starting as early as next week. I am very excited that we seem to be finally getting this going. I have also saved every single email that she and I have exchanged regarding Fiona. So I have submitted a new list of potential topics to discuss (she wants to approve them at this point) and hope to hear by Monday that we are ready to roll for a Tuesday phone call.
I also finally got some Yule ideas from her and did some online shopping for Fiona yesterday. I found a pretty comforter and sheet set, a necklace shaped like a snowflack and a stretchy bracelet of amethyst chips all on sale. Yay for me! (grin) The comforter and bedding was on Fiona's wish list. She also wants gift cards for shopping and I will do that but I think she needs to open something that is realy tangible on Christmas. Especially since it is also her birthday. And since she has a low frustration tolerance and it isn't clear when the shopping trip could be scheduled, I want to make sure that there is something she really wants that day.
That is important to me for all my kids, but definately more so for Fiona. The year we met Fiona we got to visit her December 19th. I remember coloring with her and her sharing that the only thing she wanted for Yule was an EZ Bake oven. The foster mom where she was staying had a fair number of foster kids but I think all but Fiona were somehow related to her biologically. We were not allowed to provide any gift for the kids when we first met them, but were allowed to call Christmas day. We did, and Fiona was very upset. One of the foster kids had received the oven and she had not. Foster mom explained to me that the other child's bio dad had provided it and it "wasn't her fault." Fiona got coloring books and some clothes as I recall. Since her birthday falls on Christmas it was really a double whammy to her. I realize to the foster mom (who it turned out later could not wait to be rid of her) it seemed very trivial, but to Fiona it was huge. And it was a preventable hurt in a life filled with so many hurts that could not be prevented.
Frankly I am long past caring if she shreds up, pees on or treasures the things we give to her. I don't spend tons of money on what she wants, but I do try and make the dreams come true. At least for that moment in time, she has a dream that does come true and however transient our dreams are, some of them really, really should.