Interestingly enough, it seems that Rob's dizzyness and headache was a direct result of our conversation yesterday. After we finished and he lay down for 15 minutes he was f ine and there were no other symptoms throughout the day. I actually am pleased by this as I think that it may show how much he cares and that he frightened himself over the potential consequences of his actions. Usually when Rob does something wrong, I can see him transport himself mentally to some place other than where we are. He just drifts away and I could be talking to the wall. Luckily I am not a lecturer and I can try and change up the tones of voice, move us physically to another space and try and keep him focussed. I have no doubt that it was a trauma coping mechanism. The fact that he couldn't or wouldn't do that yesterday, is a big step forward.
For now, I have told him that he is going to stay closer to us. He essentially has to tell K or I anytime he is going to go anywhere in the house. No just going to his room and disappearing for a bit. I have allowed that figuring things had gone well and that as a young teen he needed time apart periodically. In the evenings he can read in the dining room because I can see him from the work room. Before this, I let him hang out in the kitchen as he liked to listen to the top 40 or sports radio. But I can't see what else he is doing there and it is possible that some of the foraging for things like matches took place at those times.
I try to have exposure to fire in controlled and appropriate ways often because I think then it could fill the fire need thing safely. We light a jar candle at supper every night and I often have him light it with the aim and flame or extinguish it.
We will leave things like this and then add things back slooooowly and see how he does. And I am watching also to see if there is an uptick in behaviors continuing as the only other change is our now weekly phone contact with his sister. There could be a connection and there could not be as this is a behavior that he had in the past when we didn't have contact so it is really hard to tell right now.