Anxiously Awaiting

More flurries of emails to and from Fiona's therapists.  It sounds like she will be allowed to have a supervised call with us tonight.  I have not told the kids this time around as I primed that pump way too well a few wks back and then we heard nothing for days.  So Rob will likely not be all that talkative but I have to consider his mental health and well being in this equation too.  It is only 5 minutes and if she gets to say hi to most of us that pretty much shoots 5 minutes.  But I am anxious.  And it is weird feeling because i have known and loved Fiona for years now.  She turns 18 this Yule and I met her when she was 9.  We have by now been in her life longer than anyone else has been.  But all the emails with Jane and all the lists that i have had to create of potential topics have wound up making me totally stressed that I am going to say the wrong thing.  Something not on the List.  Not only do I not want to incur ill will with Jane (how long have I been working on getting the phone calls? I have lost count) but I for sure don't want to trigger Fiona.  December is a tough month for her.  Always.  So I am sitting at work, and instead of fighting with the federal paperwork I need to fight with I am thinking about Fiona.

Also thinking about the fact that I wish I had time to proof read my entries before I hit "publish".  When I looked over yesterday's post my entry didn't match the order the pictures were up in.  Well they sort of did, but when I was looking at it on the screen before it went to publish the words were right under the pictures.  somehow they weren't afterwards.  It also made it sound like I just got black Santas for our house this year, when in fact they have been in our house since Rob came home to us.  I noticed them in the first visit we had at his foster home and I saw one in their house and went on the great Santa search right afterwards!

So now I sit here waiting. . . maybe I'll check my email to see if Jane has written again!