Ch-ch-ch-changes

My job site has been for sale for 8 years at least and maybe longer.  I remember when I first found out about this. I was so scared, so nervous. As time went by and nothing happened, other than periodic updating of information for the still interested prospective buyers, I began to relax.  I can't live hyper vigilent all the time.  That is asking for a migraine to move in and just unpack its suitcases and stay forever.  So I worked on not stressing about it. The non profit agency that holds my workplaces mortgage was hostile to the idea of the sale and that was the big hold up. Then the crash in 01 held it up.  Then the recession. 

Except that it now looks by the end of the year I will hopefully still be working here but working for a new company.  I am looking at this when I am all rational and calm, like a great new opportunity. there will be new things to learn.  New skills to acquire as my job will be the same in some ways and different in others.  Also this will mean that I am once again working for a company who is actively expanding, as opposed to my present situation where the owners are looking at divesting and retiring.

And in the moments when I am NOT calm and rational I am spinning in my head.  I am sort of an anomaly in some ways.  Although I have worked multiple part time jobs in my life, this job was my first full time job. I started here when I was 19.  I am 51.  Do the math!  Nowadays most people have changed jobs 2 or 3 times minimum in that period of time.  And change, even good change, even potentially great change, is scary.  My entire benefits package will change. I have had the same health insurance since 1979.  That too will change.  We have a meeting today to explain benefits.  I have my retirement investments to figure out about.  I worry that I won't learn fast enough or that I will be readily replaced by someone who can be paid at an entry level rate.

So I am working on breathing deeply, working out in the mornings before work, and focussing on the season and my family.  It's all I can do really.  But if I feel this was as a relatively stable adult, it sure gives perspective to why Fiona who has had so many placements and so little control in her life, feels and acts the way she does.  How could she not?