Fiona is growing and changing so much. She calls me "mom" pretty consistantly now. It wasn't always like that. I was "mom Lee" sometimes. Sometimes I was Lee. Sometimes I was "Robbie's adopted mom" Sometimes I was un-named by her in a group setting. It isn't even like there was a logical chronology to any of that. It was all over the map, depending on her emotional state at the time. Initially it was pretty painful to go from one week being embraced as mom to being looked at as the Evil Imposter, but I got over it. Because I realized that even if that was the most I would or could ever be to my daughter, I wanted to be the best, most consistant Evil Imposter she had ever known.
That and the wonderful work that the Great School in the Big City is doing, are combining to really help her. She has invited us to celebrate her birthday with her. That is huge. Historically, October through early January are her trauma anniversary times and the fact that her birthday is on Christmas doesn't help much either. I talked to Jane on Saturday and am planning to go in with the tribe and birthday supplies on the 23rd. It will be hopefully just early enough to make the celebration do-able for her and for the younger kids who will also be getting wound into fever pitch. (I have a 6 year old writing KC loves Mr. S.C. and drawing pictures of holiday scenes all ready!!!)
We had a successful jaunt off site, walking for nearly an hour through beautiful parks hidden in the Big City. Who'd have thunk such beautiful nature was so assessible in that busy, hectic hubbub?
I don't know what her future can or will be and I am at a point now where I am glad. I used to obscess about this all the time. She is 18 and until recently could grasp the flow of time even using a calendar. Now she can. Limitedly and with cues but still she.gets.it. So what else could be possible? I feel like it's wide open and I'm so blessed to be along for the ride.
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